Friday, October 26, 2012


I voted.
...For this Rodney dude, because he is going to make Patterson Station a Zone 1 or something, idk whatever. It sounded better than all the other ones which were just promising mundane things.

I don't even catch the train from Patterson station, it's just that when I went to OLSH and we had an excursion to the city, I'd always have the tough decision of either walking the longer distance (about 5 minutes) to Bentleigh and getting a cheaper ticket, or walking the shorter distance (2 minutes) and paying extra for a Zone 1 and 2 ticket.
It was always a LOSE-LOSE situation. Expend more energy or pay more money. I DON'T KNOW.
(Although, there was a cheap sushi shop right next to Bentleigh station so lunch was sorted if I chose that option)

Anyway, I thought I should give my vote to Rodney, I thought of the future OLSH students and how I don't want the poor suckers to face the hardships I went through. It's called kindness. You guise should get some.

In other news, trade week/s is over. Thank God.
The next events:

  • October 31 - release of next year's fixture a.k.a. when Mick Malthouse whinges over Carlton's draw even though Carlton will get the easiest draw imaginable (like every other year) and it's only because they suck that they can't make the most of it.
  • Some time between now and when pre-season starts - the signing of Benny J, Krakouer, the fourth Beak (Woody) and whoever else.
  • November 9 - Glee returns
  • November 22 - getting some young'uns who can shine Nathan Buckley's shoes and fetch him coffee 
  • Late November - me jumping in Daisy's suitcase and going to Utah. 
  • December 25 - Santa comes to all the good boys and girls and delivers PlayStations and Wiis to the rich kids and tumbleweeds to the poor ones. Also, gives books to me.
  • January 1 - HAPPY NEW YEAR
  • February 14 - Daisy gives me flowers
  • February 15 - Daisy gives Essendon and Doggies a huge thrashing
  • March 6 - Daisy gives me cake
etc etc

Thursday, October 25, 2012


We now have Jordan Russell.
I miss Tom Young, though.

But yeah, this Jordan kid is like a defender and he's from Carlton so hopefully he tells us their secrets and we'll smash 'em in Round 2. Mick Malthouse won't know what hit him (mainly because his cataracts are almost blinding him, but also because we're really good and fast and awesome).

Anyhoo, Trade Week/s ends tomorrow at 2 and we did alright*.
We got Clinton Young and Quinten Lynch (both premiership players), plus Jordan Russell who wouldn't know what a premiership was but don't worry, we'll give him one. Also, all these sweet draft picks, a few of them in the 1st round.
Hope we pick up some sweet deals, like little superstars like Swanny and Pendles.

*If by alright, you mean losing two premiership players (one of which is still in the best form of his career, and the other is Dawes).

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

My future visit to the Westpac Centre: a transcript

"Listen up, fellas, we got a situation on our hands. Hurry up and sign Benny J and Krakouer, okay, and also Cam Wood, I mean if you're keeping the other ruckman, why not Cam? You gave him like one game this year against the hardest ruck duo of this millenium and not even Dawes played well that game. Also, we need Clinton Young, so someone get on that. Now. Oh and someone get to Chris Dawes, butter him up with some candy, some sweet talk, I don't know, use your brain! We need him. He was fine in 2010 when we had Browny and Cloke, so why not Q-stick and Cloke in '13? anyhoo, if you can't get Dawesy back on our side, demand that Watts kid from Melbourne. Don't even bother with Petterd, he's so 2010. I mean, I know the kid nearly beat us single-handedly in Round 2 but come on, he got injured a few weeks later and is probably shite now. As are all the Demons. Get Jack Watts or don't even bother."

the end.
I wrote that, because this month is going too slowly and Trade Week is too slow and I want to know everything and I think that I know everything but I don't, I don't know anything, absolutely nothing because my bff isn't Geoff Walsh or Nathan Buckley or whoever.
I wish my bff was Nathan Buckley. We would sit around drinking strawberry milkshakes and fangirling over Alex Fasolo.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Dear West Coast Eagles,

As you are well aware, our superstar, premiership player and One Direction member Sharrod Wellingham would like to go to your club. As he is of legendary status, we'd like the following things in exchange:

  • Luke Shuey.
  • Nathan Brown 2.0
  • A bag of Skittles
  • Matt Rosa
  • One blue rose
  • Several donkeys with waffle-making abilities
  • World peace
  • A puppy
  • Chocolate mud cake with sprinkles
Thank you for your cooperation. 


P.S. Could you please neuter those Selwoods of yours, they seem to be breeding like crazy and are a pest to society. No offence.