Thursday, October 4, 2018

Gotta to my annual Copeland Trophy predictions post on this blog, just to give the readers something to read
So, it's tomorrow night and i'll try and predict the winners of each award (even though we all know Alex Fasolo is winning every single award)

The Top 10:
1st: brodie grundy 2nd: steele sidebottom3rd: taylor adams4th: scott pendlebury5th: brayden maynard

6th: jordan de goey7th: josh thomas8th: jack crisp9th: ALEX FASOLO (yeah he only played half a game but he got enough votes to beat Mason Cox)10th: mason cox

Best Finals player: STEELE ROBERT SIDEBOTTOM AHHHHHHH 

Best first year player: JAIDYNNNNNNNNNN STEPHENSONNNNNNNNNNN

Best VFL player: ALEX FASOLOOOOO YOU'RE THE ONE YOU REALLY TURN ME ON FOOTBALL'S COMING HOME  (or marty hore idc)

Leading goalkicker: jordan de goey 

Best clubman: ok it'll be lynden dunn booooo but TIM BROOMHEAD deserves it way more. after having a huge preseason and shining in AFLX and the practice games, he was all set for a big season and finally got in the team in round 2 and had legit been on the field maybe 10 minutes... until tragedy struck in the form of some crappy Tom Phillips kick and a misplaced goalpost. Tim and his girlfriend (who had just moved here) could've easily gone to Europe or holidayed on a romantic cruise, but no, Tim hung around the entire year, showed up every day to work hard on the rehab and scoot around every training session to support the boys and he went to every game and was always there for Brodie Grundy (who had a standout season with all this extra moral support) even though it would've been super hard for Tim because this was meant to be his breakout season where he'd finally gotten over the numerous injuries that have plagued him for years and he's out of contract next year with the possibility of being delisted and sent packing back to South Australia, so it's a great effort to put on a brave face every day and be the moral support that Collingwood needed to get all the way to a grand final. Pies are truly blessed to have this guy in their midst and they're MAD to not honour his dedication and commitment with the Best Clubman award and a contract for next year. he BROKE HIS LEG which was the fault of a TEAMMATE, this is not an easy thing to come to terms with. yet he's been nothing but optimistic ever since that fateful Saturday night on March 31st in a hospital room adjacent to Tom Scully and Kayle Kirby.

Desire indicators: dunno probs alex fasolo

Thursday, October 5, 2017

COPELAND TROPHY 2K17

okay so the copeland trophy is tomorrow night omg so exciting!!!!! gonna do my predictions tonight b/c i won't be online much tomorrow lol

The Top 10:
1st: STEELE SIDEBOTTOM*
2nd: jeremy howe
3rd: brodie grundy
4th: goldsack
5th: brayden maynard

6th: taylor adams
7th: adam treloar
8th: pendles
9th: jordan de goey 
10th: alex fasolo

Best Finals player: this award doesn't exist any more, finals are a thing of the past
Best first year player: callum brown**
Best VFL player: KAYLE KIRBY (or mason cox)
Leading goalkicker: hahahaha this award also doesn't exist, soz to whoever kicked the most goals this year
Best clubman: alex fasolo 
Desire indicators: dunno probs alex fasolo

*even though he hides his face behind someone's arm and gives drugs to my bae
**not much competition to be honest but callum was very good in the few games he played. although same could be said about josh daicos so maybe it could be split? both were very good considering they are VERY TINY PRINCES and only played 2 games each idk. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

FIRST LIST FOR 2017

No one reads this blog but anyway, here goes
Collingwood are 2-5 on the ladder and playing like absolute poo except for when we play crappy teams  like Sydney and Geelong.

So, my friend Nathan Buckley, we need the following things:

  • 1 x Daniel Wells 
  • 10 x books titled "how to kick inside our forward 50 for dummies" for most players especially taylor adams
  • 1 x quick fix miracle treatment for Travis Varcoe
  • 98284 x cakes for Alex Fasolo b/c he's amazing and carries our forward line
  • 1 x box of donuts for Jeremy Cameron to remind him of how many goals he's kicking on saturday
  • 1 x the version of Jarryd Blair that played in the vfl last Sunday, not the other one
  • 1 x Ben Crocker
  • 1 x Matt Scharenberg (i understand why bucks would hold him back though b/c he's a precious little angel and we don't want to throw him in the deep end)
  • 1 x book titled "how to write cute messages on cute girl's guernsey" for Tim Broomhead b/c he can legit think of nothing RUUUDE
  • 1 x treasure map for Alex Fasolo to lead him to the treasure (me)
  • 1 x a fit Rupert Wills
  • 1 x lesson for Taylor Adams on how to kick to a collingwood player
  • 1 x rising star nom for Tom Phillips (and/or Ben Crocker, depending which one plays on saturday idk)
  • 8248 x jamie elliotts
  • 28249824 x ben reids
  • 1 x smelly fish in Mumford's car

we need to beat GWS and continue our unbeaten streak against that mob 

Monday, January 23, 2017

FANFIC (sequel to the previous one)

It was a nice sunny day in Perth and I was chilling on the beach with my bff Mitchie J. I placed my book down on the sand and glanced at my bff.
"So," I said, "you ready for tonight?"
Mitch was calm, steady. "Yes."
We watched the ocean for a bit, as Seb Gotch tried to surf a wave and failed, and Ashton Agar got dunked under a bigger wave.
I waved to Seb shyly and he glanced back at me, recognition in his eyes. Mitch shot me a look. "He's the opposition!" Mitch hissed at me.
"Yeah, so?" I said, feeling a bit guilty because I should be fully supportive of my bff and whatever team he plays for, "He's cute."
Mitch rolled his eyes. "Can we throw a pie at him?"
"No!" I said, indignantly.

*hours later*
At the WACA, Scorchers had posted a total of 129. In a way, I prayed it was enough so Mitchie J could go into the big grand final, but I was from Melbourne so I had a soft spot for the Stars. And Seb. Most definitely Seb.
After Quiney had hit 10 sixes in a row and KP had faced a dozen balls from his old mate Mitchie J, they were both out, succumbing to the tricky bouncers of my bff.
Seb came in.
I held my breath.
And prayed he'd make it through Mitch's dangerous spell.
Mitch ran in.
Bowled the ball.
It was a fast yorker and Seb managed to dig it out with his bat just as it nearly hit his feet. The ball bounced back toward Mitch, who picked it up and, just as Seb was thinking about taking a quick single, chucked the ball at Seb.
I gasped.
The ball changed into a pie and splattered Seb's face.
The crowd laughed and roared.
I cried.
I watched as Mitch said a few words to Seb, who shook his head in confusion, and they went on with the game.

I met Mitchie J at the bar down the road.
"What on earth happened out there?" I accused my bff, skulling half my cider.
Mitch blinked. "I just warned Seb that my bff liked him and if he hurt you, I'll do much worse than throw a pie."
I blinked. "Huh."
"You do like him, yeah?" Mitch asked.
"Kinda," I admitted.
Mitch nodded, drank his beer and made for the exit. "He likes you too." Then he left.
THE END.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

FANFIC #829424

"Knight to E4," I said, staring at the chess board.
Mitchie J picked up my knight and moved it to E4. "You have to actually pick it up, this isn't wizard's chess," he explained.
"Huh," I said, understanding.
We sat in silence for a few minutes until I piped up with, "Uh, Mitch? Your turn."
Mitch jumped and blinked a few times. "Shit, sorry, just distracted."
I knocked the whole chess board off the table.
Mitch jumped again.
"Are you still thinking about your old mate KP?" I asked him.
"No," Mitch scowled.
And then: "...Yes." Mitch sighed. "I haven't seen him in years. I dunno what he'll be like. Do you think he missed me? What do I say?"
"Hm," I said.
"Maybe.." I said, thinking some more. "You should..."
"THROW A PIE!" Me and Mitch said at the same time like all good bffs do.
We fell on the ground laughing.

*4 hours later*
I stood in the stands at the WACA near the race that the Perth Scorchers come out of. Mitch came over to where I was, and signed a few kids' shirts and bats.
"You got everything?" I asked him, feeling a bit nervous about our plan.
"Yeah," Mitch answered.
"Good luck," I said.
"Thanks," he said.

The game was on. Quiney had just tried to hit his 17th six and failed and was walking back to the pavilion. I watched from the sidelines as Kevin Pietersen walked to the crease, swishing his rhino bat at imaginary cricket balls as he walked.
I looked at Mitchie J, standing at the top of his mark, taking deep breaths.
KP got to the crease.
KP got ready to face the ball.
Mitchie J breathed a few more times, twirling the ball in his hand.
KP was ready.
Mitchie J started his run up.
He kept running.
Then
at the crease
he launched the ball into the perfect bouncer
and
at the last second
right before the ball smashed into KP's helmet
it turned into a pie
and splattered all over the grille
and into KP's smug little face

The crowd wowed and gasped, in absolute hysterics.
I laughed.
Mitchie J laughed.
KP was mortified.

At the end of the game, I met Mitchie J at a bar down the road from the WACA.
"You did good," I said, nursing my cider.
"He hit me for 5 sixes in one over," Mitch said, shaking his head and taking a big gulp of beer, "And our team lost."
I laughed. "That was the best part."
Mitch scowled at me and chucked a pie in my face.
THE END

Thursday, October 6, 2016

COPELAND TROPHY 2k16 PREDICTIONS

okay, as I've been doing every year, i'm gonna predict the Copeland awards, yo

The Top 10:
1st: ADAM TRELOAR
2nd: pendles
3rd: sidey
4th: grundy/reid
5th: jack crisp
6th: taylor adams
7th: nathan brown
8th: levi greenwood
9th: jordan de goey
10th: jeremy howe

Best Finals player: hahahaha i don't think this award exists any more
Best first year player: JOSH SMITH
Best VFL player: caff or ben moloney 
Leading goalkicker: ALEX FASOLO OH MY GODDDDDDDDD YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS (25 goals in 12 games yoooo)
Best clubman: alex fasolo's a clubman hahaha nah idk maybe caff??? or tooves
Desire indicators: hmmm jarryd blair

look i have no idea hahahaha but the top 3 is too easy hahaha

Monday, May 2, 2016

FRIENDS

footy sucks again :(
i mean it was going okay in the 2nd and 3rd quarters but it just sucks, you know???
so i'm here to make another list b/c yolo
also i don't mind losing to West Coast b/c they are babes and i'd bang like all of them (mostly brad shep) but i DO mind losing to carlton and daisy thomas and other horrible people.


  • 1 x Ben crocker (he's too young for me but mmmm love me anyway but no i really liked his game in the vfl, setting up goals, running and chasing hard, he did everything in the 2nd quarter of the vfl)
  • 1 x tom phillips
  • 1 x cake for tim broomhead b/c he's learning how to goal celebrate and i am proud
  • 821834 x cakes for alex fasolo
  • 234 x steele sidebottom
  • 1 x uninjured taylor adams
  • 924 x travis varcoe
  • 6 x prayers for jonathon marsh so he gets better 
  • 1 x smelly fish in marc murphy's car
  • 1 x treasure map to lead alex fasolo to the love of his life (me)
  • 1 x brent macaffer
  • 1 x james aish
  • 1 x rising star nom for darcy moore
  • 20 x books titled "how to defend for dummies" for like all of them
  • 1 x box of donuts for daisy thomas to remind him of how many goals he's kicking on saturday (and to make him fat ha ha ha)
  • 1 x dane swan
  • 1 x jamie elliott
  • 7243 x alex fasolo b/c you can never have enough sexy babes 
  • 23 x books titled "kick to alex fasolo in the forward line b/c he needs goals, who cares if he's got 20 defenders on him and he's never gonna get it (my loving)" for all of them hahaha
okay i'm done
i just want ben crocker to debut
but idec, i just want ben shhhh