Saturday, August 22, 2015

LIST

lol we pretty much sucked against Richmond, hahahaha it was awful.
but no worries, we were 8-3 at the bye (which was pretty damn good) and endured some honourable losses (especially the one where we scared hawthorn) and got to see some very talented young guys in the seniors (especially ones we've waited FOREVER to see, like scharenberg).

Anyway.
It would be super nice to beat geelong, mostly b/c winning is fab and it's great to sing the song at the end and it's extra great seeing us kick lots of goals and see all the PDA lol who cares that we "have nothing to play for" WE HAVE EVERYTHING TO PLAY FOR. WINNING IS EVERYTHING.

list:

  • 8284 x Alex Fasolo (siiiigh, the poor kid, he really does try hard ugh)
  • 1 x Mason Cox (SO SO SO SO GOOD IN THE VFL TODAY, HIS MARKS INSIDE 50!!!!! GOALS!!!!!!)
  • 1 x Jarrod Witts 
  • 8724 x Dane Swan (he's just really fab okay omg why isn't everyone like swanny)
  • 1 x Matthew Scharenberg
  • 1 x 20 cent coin for Matthew Scharenberg so he stays at the pies
  • 1 x quick-fix for timmy's shoulder
  • 22 x books titled "how to look what you're kicking the ball to for dummies" lol 
  • 2324 x books titled "how to kick a goal for dummies" lollllll goals are fun
  • 1 x black hole opening up in front of joel selwood when he goes for his next run
  • 1 x Seedsy to share the 50th game celebrations with sinclair
  • 1 x Adam Oxley (i guess so) (he's literally just mopping around, may as well use the kid) (that's not a typo) (oxleymoron)
  • 1 x hair removal cream for Tom Hawkins' shampoo lol
idk whatever
i'll send this bucks, we can't lose next week :)
TRUST ME, FRIENDS, I'VE GOT THIS 





Saturday, August 1, 2015

MUCH NEEDED LIST FOR BUCKS

okay, so we've just endured a sixth loss in a row. SIXTH LOSS. HOW HAVE WE EVEN SURVIVED THIS LONG. shit.
anyway, i guess we're going fine and developing young guys and getting games into the kids, and also losing Trav for a few games, so obviously we have to deal with losses just like any rebuilding team does. (and considering most goals this season have come from trav and jamie, and neither of them are at full fitness soooo how else do we get goals)

BUT
i will do a list for Bucks b/c i am bored and have expert knowledge to give (i have nothing)


  • 274782 x Alex Fasolo, lol fuck he's the sexiest babe of all time ilysm let's clone him, the world needs more of this angel
  • 1 x Jarryd Blair
  • 1 x Clinton Young (hey, guess who has an undefeated record against Carlton?????)
  • 924 x Travis Varcoe SHIT THIS GUY, HE'S AMAZING, HI HELLO GEELONG WOW DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF THIS GUY, WE'LL TAKE ALL OF THEM
  • 1 x Travis Cloke, one-legged or not
  • 20 x "how to kick straight to a collingwood player for dummies" for basically all of them idk
  • 193 x "how to kick between the two big sticks for dummies" lol
  • 1 x cake for Alex Fasolo
  • 1 x BenKen
  • 1 x fire to burn all the spreadsheets at ASADA HQ
  • 1 x treasure map to lead Alex Fasolo to me
  • 87 x Dane Swan
  • 1 x shoulder for Tim Broomhead (ily timmy, i miss you)
  • 1 x rising star nom for gooey
  • 1 x 2016 rising star medal for scharenberg (ily shaz)
  • 1 x catfish in Marc Murphy's car
  • 1 x 20 cent coin for Josh Thomas so he doesn't give up on his AFL career
yeah i got nothing else.
look, we'll be right if we have clinton young next week. we've never destroyed anyone's amazing statistic before. (i'm joking, 6 weeks ago Varcoe had this amazing stat of the best win/loss record in the AFL ha ha ha)
(ha)
(soz Varcoe)
(no but i don't think six losses would destroy a really good win/loss thingy, right????? IT'S ONLY 6 LOSSES, THE WORLD DIDN'T BURN DOWN!!!!)

Sunday, May 10, 2015

OBLIGATORY LIST

so. we thought we were good. but we lost to geelong and that just sucks. we were never really in it after geelong kicked 5 goals in a minute in the 1st quarter. oops.

a list is needed, i guess. hi bucks, yes i'll get right on it, i know just what you need to beat Richmond. and we do need to beat Richmond. Not just for the 4 points or whatever, but because it's Richmond.


  • 1 x Alex Fasolo 
  • 1 x Seedsy
  • 20 x players who can get their paws on the footy
  • 2 x books titled "kicking between the two big sticks for dummies" for Trav and Jesse
  • 1 x Jordan De Goey (gooey)
  • 1 x Ramsay
  • 22 x on switches for anyone in the team vs Richmond (no but they just weren't switched on friday night???)
  • 1 x lesson for Wittsy on keeping his witts about him (or just learning to mark)
  • 1 x bottle of hair removal cream to put in Trent Cotchin's conditioner
  • 1 x treasure map for Alex Fasolo to lead him to me
  • 1 x BenKen
  • 3 x Brodie Grundy (if only all our ruckman were as good as grundy)
  • 7 x Scott Pendlebury
  • 87 x Dane Swan (or just anyone that can get the ball and slot it through the sticks without breaking a sweat)
  • 10 x cheeseburgers for Dane Swa--- NO, BAD SWANNY, WHAT HAPPENED TO GETTING A BEACH BODY THAT YOU'VE BEEN DILIGENTLY TWEETING ABOUT????
  • 1 x fire at the ASADA building to burn all records of JT and Keeffe's positive samples
  • 1 x Josh Thomas (the footballer)
  • 1 x Timmy for 4 quarters
  • -1 x Tony Armstrong (i am soz, but we've gotta drop someone)
  • 1 x cake for Alex Fasolo b/c he's amazing
yeah, that's it.
I mean, there's probably a bunch more stuff but surely this will do. Hopefully. 
I hope we win next week. I like winning. That was really fun. Yeah.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

LIST #82842 idk

So, we lost to Adelaide. We can't kick. We suck. No but really, we're okay, we're fine, but maybe another list for Bucks will get the wheels moving again.

Also we need to beat St Kilda. Like there's no other option. And we need to get our best team ready for ANZAC day b/c we need to win there too. Also we need to beat Carlton b/c deep down Mick would want a Collingwood win when he celebrates passing Jock's record.

  • 1 x miracle to quickly heal Sidebottom's thumb ASAP
  • 32 x Steele Sidebottom
  • 1 x lesson on how to kick to a teammate
  • 821834 x books titled "how to make a lead and give your poor teammate something to kick to FOR DUMMIES" for like everyone
  • 1 x jordan de goey (gooey)
  • 1 x rising star nom for Timmy
  • 1 x quick-fix healing stuff for Sinclair's hamstring
  • 8 x Alex Fasolo (just because)
  • 2 x hair appointments for Faz and Jamie (might stop them checking their hair and get them kicking more goals)
  • 1 x box of matches to burn down ASADA and all their dumb records
  • 1 x gatorade drink for Ahmed Saad (soz)
  • 1 x catfish placed in Nick Riewoldt's bed
  • 1 x lesson on how to make space on the ground
  • 1 x lesson on how to take a kick-in and look for other options than brodie grundy 
  • 1 x brain for Jesse White (HE JUST DOES DUMB THINGS AND HE COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER. I EXPECT BETTER THINGS OF YOU, JESS)
  • 1 x Scharenberg (when is he coming backkkk *sulk*)
  • 1 x pen for Patty Dangerfield to sign the contract we give him
  • 1 x Nathan Freeman 
  • 1 x slab of beer for Swanny (NO, BAD SWANNY, GO KICK THE BALL INTO THE POST ANOTHER TIME)
  • 1 x rising star medal for Timmy.
  • 1 x reserved seat on ANZAC day for me (come on, fazzy, love me. get me ticket.)
  • 1 x Ben Reid.
idk
I will go mail this list to my good buddy Nathan right now. If we follow the lists, there's no way we can lose. I think. 
Anyway, we tried. That's all that matters. "When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get" - old proverb (probably Homer Simpson idk)

Saturday, March 21, 2015

LIST #8284924

Okay, so Collingwood lost to Carlton (boooo) and also got thrashed by the Doggies (oops) and yeah yeah it was just nab challenge crap or whatever but we have to beat dayne beams WE HAVE TO, WE CAN'T LET HIM WIN, IT'S JUST NOT OKAY.

so i'm bringing back the lists
b/c nathan buckley probably needs help


  • 1 x exact replica of dayne beams WE NEED ONE SO BADLY
  • 6 x Alex Fasolo's, b/c you can never go wrong with a few more sexy babes
  • 29 x Steele Sidebottom
  • 1 x book titled "how to kick straight for dummies" for Taylor Adams
  • 20 x pairs of glasses for any player who can't tell the difference between a mostly blue jumper and a black-and-white one (BASICALLY ALL THE PLAYERS)
  • 1 x birthday cake for timmy darling 
  • 1 x cake for Alex Fasolo b/c he would want one idk 
  •  20 x book titled "how to make space and a lead and just genuinely help out your poor teammate with the ball" for basically everyone, I guess
  • 1 x lesson on how to kick to Travis Cloke's hands
  • 1 x lesson on how to pick up the ball AND HOLD ONTO IT FOR GOD'S SAKE
  • 1 x magnet for the match-day ball so it gravitates to collingwood players
  • 1 x "accidental fire" at whatever TAB that Jack Crisp put a bet on at, so that all records are lost
  • 1 x Lachlan Keeffe + beard
  • 1 x padded-up Ben Reid (honestly, how does he even get by in life, like does he ever stub his toe on the couch and just shatter into two million pieces????)
  • 1 x Jonathon Marsh b/c it'd really suit us to have a "coach" on the field to yell at the other players BECAUSE THEY NEED YELLING AT. 
  • 1 x Matt Scharenberg I WANT HIM TO PLAY NOW. I MISS HIM.
  • 1 x Jordan De Goey (gooey)
  • 1 x Timmyyyyy
  • 1 x BenKen
  • 1 x Patty K
  • 1 x treasure map for Alex Fasolo to lead him to the treasure (me)
  • 1 x catfish under the backseat of Dayne Beams' car (ewwww)
  • 1 x Seedsy with his cool hair and funky penguin waddle
  • 1 x mark-taking Clinton Young (not the other one)
  • 1 x Patrick Dangerfield
okay okay, whatever
I'll just go mail this list to Nathan Buckley and yeah we're all set. Bring on the Lions. You're welcome, Collingwood supporters.



Thursday, October 2, 2014

copeland trophy 2014

let's continue with the trend started last year and predict the winners of the awards tonight

okay
for the main copeland trophy award, i'll guess the top 10-
1st: Scott Pendlebury
2nd: Dayne Beams
3rd: Travis Cloke
4th: Steele Sidebottom
5th: Jamie Elliott
6th: Jack Frost
7th: Brent Macaffer
8th: Dane Swan
9th: Heritier Lumumba
10th: Alex Fasolo

Best Finals player: uhhh yagz (does this award still count if the AFL team didn't make finals??? dammit poor yagz)
Best first year player: tom langdon, duhhhh
Best VFL player: again, duhhhh Kyle Martin
Leading goalkicker: Travis Cloke
Best clubman: idk probs Swanny or ummm Alex Fasolo (what's a clubman hahaha)
Desire indicators: brent macaffer

(is desire indicators the one that the players vote for??? so yeah probs Caff b/c he's so nice and a good team player and the players legit cried when he did his ACL again lol)

(really though, the top 5 are so even lol and idk how they do the voting b/c it's not like the brownlow b/c defenders get votes soooo idk)
(actually no, it's like pendles, daylight, then beams/trav/jamie/steele, then yeah the others idk)
(i'd like to see someone else win other than pendles, like some underdog who we didn't expect like jack frost or something idk)
(nothing wrong with pendles though, soz scotty)

Monday, May 12, 2014

SYTYCDAU FINALE

hey follow readers of my blog (*cricket sounds*), did I ever recap the finale of SYTYCDAU???
No???
Well, Michael won, blah blah what a cutie, I wanted Sam to win, blah blah good times

Yeah, I hope they put the show to rest now??? No but it really was a good show several years ago and I don't know what changed b/c I adored Carrie as host and the new judges were alright, but SOMETHING changed and it definitely got worse which is a shame b/c it used to be so good???

So yeah, instead of continuing the show next year in the same format, axe it. If it keeps going, it will only get worse and we should remember SYTYCDau for what it was several years ago and not what it was this year.

Bye.