Tuesday, May 9, 2017

FIRST LIST FOR 2017

No one reads this blog but anyway, here goes
Collingwood are 2-5 on the ladder and playing like absolute poo except for when we play crappy teams  like Sydney and Geelong.

So, my friend Nathan Buckley, we need the following things:

  • 1 x Daniel Wells 
  • 10 x books titled "how to kick inside our forward 50 for dummies" for most players especially taylor adams
  • 1 x quick fix miracle treatment for Travis Varcoe
  • 98284 x cakes for Alex Fasolo b/c he's amazing and carries our forward line
  • 1 x box of donuts for Jeremy Cameron to remind him of how many goals he's kicking on saturday
  • 1 x the version of Jarryd Blair that played in the vfl last Sunday, not the other one
  • 1 x Ben Crocker
  • 1 x Matt Scharenberg (i understand why bucks would hold him back though b/c he's a precious little angel and we don't want to throw him in the deep end)
  • 1 x book titled "how to write cute messages on cute girl's guernsey" for Tim Broomhead b/c he can legit think of nothing RUUUDE
  • 1 x treasure map for Alex Fasolo to lead him to the treasure (me)
  • 1 x a fit Rupert Wills
  • 1 x lesson for Taylor Adams on how to kick to a collingwood player
  • 1 x rising star nom for Tom Phillips (and/or Ben Crocker, depending which one plays on saturday idk)
  • 8248 x jamie elliotts
  • 28249824 x ben reids
  • 1 x smelly fish in Mumford's car

we need to beat GWS and continue our unbeaten streak against that mob 

Monday, January 23, 2017

FANFIC (sequel to the previous one)

It was a nice sunny day in Perth and I was chilling on the beach with my bff Mitchie J. I placed my book down on the sand and glanced at my bff.
"So," I said, "you ready for tonight?"
Mitch was calm, steady. "Yes."
We watched the ocean for a bit, as Seb Gotch tried to surf a wave and failed, and Ashton Agar got dunked under a bigger wave.
I waved to Seb shyly and he glanced back at me, recognition in his eyes. Mitch shot me a look. "He's the opposition!" Mitch hissed at me.
"Yeah, so?" I said, feeling a bit guilty because I should be fully supportive of my bff and whatever team he plays for, "He's cute."
Mitch rolled his eyes. "Can we throw a pie at him?"
"No!" I said, indignantly.

*hours later*
At the WACA, Scorchers had posted a total of 129. In a way, I prayed it was enough so Mitchie J could go into the big grand final, but I was from Melbourne so I had a soft spot for the Stars. And Seb. Most definitely Seb.
After Quiney had hit 10 sixes in a row and KP had faced a dozen balls from his old mate Mitchie J, they were both out, succumbing to the tricky bouncers of my bff.
Seb came in.
I held my breath.
And prayed he'd make it through Mitch's dangerous spell.
Mitch ran in.
Bowled the ball.
It was a fast yorker and Seb managed to dig it out with his bat just as it nearly hit his feet. The ball bounced back toward Mitch, who picked it up and, just as Seb was thinking about taking a quick single, chucked the ball at Seb.
I gasped.
The ball changed into a pie and splattered Seb's face.
The crowd laughed and roared.
I cried.
I watched as Mitch said a few words to Seb, who shook his head in confusion, and they went on with the game.

I met Mitchie J at the bar down the road.
"What on earth happened out there?" I accused my bff, skulling half my cider.
Mitch blinked. "I just warned Seb that my bff liked him and if he hurt you, I'll do much worse than throw a pie."
I blinked. "Huh."
"You do like him, yeah?" Mitch asked.
"Kinda," I admitted.
Mitch nodded, drank his beer and made for the exit. "He likes you too." Then he left.
THE END.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

FANFIC #829424

"Knight to E4," I said, staring at the chess board.
Mitchie J picked up my knight and moved it to E4. "You have to actually pick it up, this isn't wizard's chess," he explained.
"Huh," I said, understanding.
We sat in silence for a few minutes until I piped up with, "Uh, Mitch? Your turn."
Mitch jumped and blinked a few times. "Shit, sorry, just distracted."
I knocked the whole chess board off the table.
Mitch jumped again.
"Are you still thinking about your old mate KP?" I asked him.
"No," Mitch scowled.
And then: "...Yes." Mitch sighed. "I haven't seen him in years. I dunno what he'll be like. Do you think he missed me? What do I say?"
"Hm," I said.
"Maybe.." I said, thinking some more. "You should..."
"THROW A PIE!" Me and Mitch said at the same time like all good bffs do.
We fell on the ground laughing.

*4 hours later*
I stood in the stands at the WACA near the race that the Perth Scorchers come out of. Mitch came over to where I was, and signed a few kids' shirts and bats.
"You got everything?" I asked him, feeling a bit nervous about our plan.
"Yeah," Mitch answered.
"Good luck," I said.
"Thanks," he said.

The game was on. Quiney had just tried to hit his 17th six and failed and was walking back to the pavilion. I watched from the sidelines as Kevin Pietersen walked to the crease, swishing his rhino bat at imaginary cricket balls as he walked.
I looked at Mitchie J, standing at the top of his mark, taking deep breaths.
KP got to the crease.
KP got ready to face the ball.
Mitchie J breathed a few more times, twirling the ball in his hand.
KP was ready.
Mitchie J started his run up.
He kept running.
Then
at the crease
he launched the ball into the perfect bouncer
and
at the last second
right before the ball smashed into KP's helmet
it turned into a pie
and splattered all over the grille
and into KP's smug little face

The crowd wowed and gasped, in absolute hysterics.
I laughed.
Mitchie J laughed.
KP was mortified.

At the end of the game, I met Mitchie J at a bar down the road from the WACA.
"You did good," I said, nursing my cider.
"He hit me for 5 sixes in one over," Mitch said, shaking his head and taking a big gulp of beer, "And our team lost."
I laughed. "That was the best part."
Mitch scowled at me and chucked a pie in my face.
THE END