ew off seasons

Yeah, off-seasons suck and everything, so after losing to Port and the Week From Hell, here's some events to look forward to:

• me and Daisy's wedding
• the All-Australian awards where Pendlebury and Swanny are rovers/centre positions and Trav full/half forwards roles
• JAMIE ELLIOTT MARK OF THE YEAR
• Daisy signing his ten-year contract for Collingwood so we never ever have to deal with this awful "will he or won't he" again (except when the ten year ends and he signs another one)
• Pendles winning his first Brownlow
• Trade Week, holding our collective breaths for 3 weeks hoping that no Collingwood players are traded
• Trade Week, hoping we get some superstars 
• Nat Fyfe adorably accepting his Norm Smith medal
• Nat Fyfe also adorably accepting his premiership medal
• me crying at the above two events
• The Draft where we add to our epic talent
• The boys going to Utah/Arizona/etc and seeing their abs and other gorgeous body parts
• Seeing photos of the boys in Utah/Arizona/etc especially Tooves and Daisy and Faz getting stronger and less injured 
• Copeland Trophy, when Faz invites me along as his wifey
• Pendles and Swanny and Trav winning the Copeland in a three way tie
• Josh Thomas getting in the Top 5 in the Copeland (shoosh, it MIGHT happen)
• Josh Thomas getting Best First Year Player (is he even eligible, i don't even know)
• Alex Fasolo out-doing his last year's Grand Final Footy Show Revue performance 
• Caolan Mooney winning the Half Time Sprint at the GF
• Bucks realising he made a mistake and putting Didak and Jolly back on our list
• Daisy dumping his new girlfriend and standing outside my window with a boombox
• Swanny inviting me to Amsterdam
• CATCHING FIRE
• the Rookie Draft where we get more Kyle Martins and Adam Oxleys and make our VFL team win more games

and yeah

good times

So, we lost in the last game of the season.
But hey, unlike North, at least we have finals.
Too bad we couldn't get that coleman medal for Trav. Sigh.
Also yeah, if Hawks beat Sydney, and Geelong beat Freo, then our first three weeks of finals are against teams we couldn't beat earlier this year. But that's okay, history is useless, we'll beat 'em in the very very near future.

Hey, Bucks, time for a list:

• 1 x rule book for the umpires b/c really, the stuff they pulled out of the hat on Sunday was like um okay then, whatever.
• 1 x Clinton Young 
• 1 x Luke Ball (stupid North running free after the centre bounce like how on earth do we stop that...)
• 1 x prayer circle that Nathan J Brown is ready to give 110% next week
• 1 x Mitch Brown, just in case
• 3 x Collingwood players in the 2013 All Australian team
• 7 x chocolate cakes for Alex Fasolo
• 1 x nice holiday to Fiji for Daisy and his real girlfriend (me)
• 1 x wedding for me and Daisy
• 1 x Brownlow medal for Scott Pendlebury
• 1 x car for Jamie Elliott's Mark/s of the Year (get stuffed, Matty Wade's cousin)
• 1 x car for Didak or Beamsy to win Goal of the Year
• 1 x Rising Star medal for Marley
• 10 x award for our Rising Star who is much better than Jaegar O'bloodymeara but just happens to be 22 this year like ugh (ily Josh)
• 1 x letter in an envelope filled to the brim of anthrax sent to Kochie's house
• 1 x ban for any player in the finals who took peptides last year
• 1 x Harry O
• 2 x Didak

And look, it's me in the cartoon this week OH GOD I ALWAYS STAND FOREVER IN A 7/11 OR IN FRONT OF A VENDING MACHINE LIKE WHAT THE HELL HOW DO I CHOOSE WHICH ONE TO GET, ALSO VENDING MACHINES ARE BLOODY EXPENSIVE SO I CAN ONLY HAVE ONE ITEM AND I CAN'T CHOOSE HALP.

In other news, yes Bucks it's easy, just follow the list.
Also, in: Luke Ball, Harry O, Jamie/Sinclair, maybe Jolly & Young
out: Q-stick, BenKen (sorry kiddo, come back next year), ummm idek maybe Josh or Seedsy, but that's only if Young and Jamie are 110% fit b/c finals experience > no finals experience? idk idk okay maybe Bucks' job is harder than I thought. Sigh.

ugh Hawks, what a mean team. :(
As if we even need a list, it should just be-
Out: Q-Stick
In: Traffic Cone.

No list today, what if I do a Buckley's to do list instead? I mean, I didn't sneak into his house for nothing.
*secretly copies list from another time and posts it here*
WE HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS ALL YEAR
Q-stick
Delivery to the forwards
That's it.
And maybe kicking for goal but that's good enough, like Trav getting 5.0 against Essendon and missing easy set shots against other teams.

Anyway, here goes: (Bucks' To Do List)

• Buy the book called "how to play footyball" for Q-Stick
• Ring up AFL HQ and demand that Brodie Grundy gets a Rising Star nom
• Buy Alex Fasolo an ice-cream 
• Clone Scott Pendlebury
• Take the super defender Nathan J Brown out for coffee 
• Book in appointment at Madd Hair
• Search up pictures of George Clooney
• Hire a forwards coach
• Sweet talk Dawes to come back
• If Dawes won't come, kidnap Jack Watts instead
• Bring a large sack to the game next Friday to kidnap Sharrod
• Practise carrying inanimate objects in the sack during the week so that you won't mess up Sharrod's hair on Friday
• Kidnap Mitch Brown too, while you're at it
• Tell Faz that there's a nice girl named Laura who likes him
• Tell Faz not to follow Lindsay Lohan on twitter and to choose better people to follow such as @zoidberg_cool
• Ring up Clarko and demand that his players be punished for the way they treated Travis Cloke
• Burn all the tapes at the MRP office (except the one with Q-Stick hitting Mitchell, just pretend you didn't see when you scoured the office)
• Pray to every god you can think of that Sinclair, Pendles and Daisy's injuries are fine
• Send Daisy a 'get well soon' card and flowers
• Deliver a letter coated in anthrax to John Worsfold
• Sign the petition to throw all Selwoods off a cliff

And yeah.

Busy week.

Chin up, Bucks, we'll smash those Eagles.

And GWS or whoever will smash those Tigers, oh man 5th place is ours. :D

Yeah yeah whatever, sports sucks, blah blah blah

And a much needed list for Buckley and co:

• 18 x players on the field (dunno, it might help, all I saw on Saturday night was red red red yellow bald head more red and Marley and then Beamsy Jamie Marley more red then Marley again and Pendles Josh Thomas)
• 22 x Marley Williams
• 1 x Rising Star nomination for Marley Williams
• 1 x Rising Star medal for Marley Williams
• 1 x car for Jamie Elliott (basically, he's got Mark of the Year in the bag.)
• 82642 x books titled "how to kick goals for dummies"
• 1 x essay from each player on how to kick a goal delivered to Bucks' office by Wednesday morning
• 1 x Jackson Paine 
• 1 x Kyle Martin (I think he's learnt that he's not the star of his local footy club anymore with all the flair b/c good, put him back in)
• 3 x Josh Thomas
• 284 x spoons of ice-creams for Alex Fasolo
• 1 x Ben Kennedy
• 1 x Jarryd Blair
• 1 x Nathan J Brown
• 1 x Mitch Brown
• 4 x large sacks of money dropped on Tom Scully's head
• 1 x Sharrod Wellingham
• 1 x coleman medal for Travis Cloke
• 1 x rule book for the umpires (they weren't even bad on Saturday we can't even blame the umpires, except the push-in-the-back on Keeffe sigh)
• 1 x Daisy Thomas
• 1 x date for me & Daisy
• 1 x wedding for me & Daisy
• 1 x honeymoon in a nice warm place for me & Daisy 

Here's a list for Australia in the cricket:

• Dave Warner for the sole reason of punching that bloody Root kid

That's all.

Teehee, Ablett themes :P

Ewww, I hate losing. Especially when we played crap ugh ugh what the hell happened, like we were so great against Geelong, really really great, best game all year. WHY CAN'T WE FOUR QUARTER EFFORT or at least one quarter effort

What's the time?
Time for another list, express posted to Nathan Buckley.

• 15 x Dayne Beams
• 9264 x Travis Cloke (you know, one for every defender that was surrounding poor Trav)
• 1 x AFL rules book for every umpire (we can't even blame the umpires for most of the game but it wouldn't hurt for them to refresh the rules)
• 1 x Jackson Paine (lol Q-stick)
• 1 x Clinton Young
• 1 x Andy Krakouer
• 1 x Ben Johnson
• 1 x Tyson Goldsack
• 1 x punch to Marc Murphy's jaw
• 22 x peptides for each of our players
• 8 x Josh Thomas
• 1 x rising star nomination for Josh Thomas (aw, screw age limits, the kid isn't even 22 yet)
• 3 x Ben Kennedy
• 1 x green vest for someone other than Ben Kennedy
• 1 x slab of beer for Dane Swan UGH SWANNY GIVE ME BACK MY PEN, YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE ONE BEER, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT
• 1 x letter that squirts poison when you open it for Mick Malthouse
• 1 x rating of 1 and a half stars for that viewing of Man of Steel(e) - the stars come with a big "you tried" in the middle
• 1 x book titled "How to do Forward Structure for Dummies" for the forwards coach (if there is one)
• 34 x books titled "How to utilise two tall forwards and a handful of crumbers in an effective way that will get goals for Dummies" 
• 475 x books titled "Handballing to each other through the midfield and shepherding whoever has the ball like ya feel me"
• 1 x car for Jamie Elliott (IF THAT MARK DOESN'T GET MARK OF THE YEAR, I'M GOING TO BURN DOWN AFL HEADQUARTERS)
• 1 x Coleman Medal for Travis Cloke (I just really want him to win it, okay, just omg)
• 43 x cakes for Alex Fasolo (you know, a thanks for RT'ing my tweet, I love you Faz)
• 1 x Timmy Broomhead (I mean, the kid has been described as a Scott Pendlebury, maybe he can help our midfield out)
• 1 x Chris Dawes
• 1 x Jye Bolton
• 1 x handmade large red paper-heart given to Alex Fasolo
• 7 x vicious lions placed in Chris Judd's bedroom
• 1 x Ben Reid

I like the comic omfg, like the only game Q-Stick has actually played half-decent was against Carlton, when he had to hold up the ruck on his own.
Except Q-Stick has been a good second ruckman this year, like way better than what Dawes was. But Dawes is a way better forward.
Ugh.

Ughhhhh.

Blahhh

Just.... unnghhhhh

Well, I guess it's time for another list. Ugh. (just a warning: I don't mean to insult our players, okay, I'm sorry, but they need to lift. Just a little bit.)

(Also, a few players played well, Travis and Harry O, and a few players tried really hard, definitely Krak, maybe Seedsy, Jamie was in there a bit, Pendles I guess, so idk we weren't all bad but as a team, we were pretty bad)

• 1 x Alan Didak
• 1 x Ben Johnson
• 1 x education for that 14 year old girl
• 482 x donkeys for Travis Cloke
• 77 x book titled "How to Precise Kick to Teammate for Dummies" for every Collingwood player (keep the leftovers, Swanny tends to lose things... LIKE THE BALL, JFC)
• 21 x book titled "If half the Swans are on Travis, surely there's someone else to kick it to" for every Collingwood player last night except Travis
• 1 x book titled "learn to goddamn make a lead and mark and kick goals and FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU SPUD" for the Q-stick
• 22 x book titled "learn to goddamn lead out and give a player something to kick to" for every Collingwood player (except maybe Travis, seeing as he has every man and his dog surrounding him)
• 3 x quick-heal-fast treatments for Beamsy, Daisy and Faz
• 1 x quick-ACL-healer for Toovey
• 1 x Ben Sinclair
• 20 x shots of caffeine for Collingwood players (Travis and Harry O can be excused though)
• 20 x peptides for Collingwood players (again, Trav and Harry excused)
• 1 x chocolate cake for the ever-improving Jordan Russell
• 2 x 'gold star' badges for Wittsy and Travis, for helping us get off to a good start
• 2 x 'bronze-or-maybe-it's-tin stars' for Jamie and Sammy Dwyer, for giving me something to cheer about in the 4th quarter
• 1 x Josh Thomas
• 5 x laxatives slipped into Michael Voss' coffee
• 22 x extra padding for each Collingwood player next week, just in case Jonathan Brown runs into them and leaves a hole the size of a house in their body
• 1 x Jackson Paine (no but Q-stick doesn't have to go, I just... maybe Wittsy could just, y'know, step aside maybe?)
• 1 x Kyle Martin (sadhappyface) (love ya, Faz, and I'm sorry, it's for the best xoxox)
• 1 x Adam Oxley (DAISY, I'M SORRY, FORGIVE ME also please stay at the Pies, okay good)
• 1 x Jack Watts
• 1 x Kris Pendlebury (people sitting near me at the VFL were discussing how we should've picked this kid up in the draft and how ridiculous that he's 28 or something and is a quality defender/leader and also related to that Scott kid and NO ONE WANTS HIM JFC)
• 1 x Jye Bolton
• 1 x Mitch Brown
• 1 x Ben Hudson (no but Jolly can have a rest against the Lions and the Dogs, okay, and anyway, Jolly can play against Melbourne, it's all fabbity fab fab)
• 22 x fare evading fines for the Sydney players, I mean as if they had myki AS IF.
• 1 x Heath Shaw (no why hope it's not a serious injury ugh)
• 1 x Tyson Goldsack
• 1 x Lachlan Keeffe (maybe in a few weeks)
• 1 x Dayne Beams 
• 1 x Toovey
• 1 x petition for that Leuenberger kid to legally change his name to Leuenburger-canihavefrieswiththat

ugh I could just list every injured player, we need them WE NEED THEM ALL.

Nah, apparently Kyle Martin is a Beams, so him and Dwyer will be fab, also Oxley is a Toovey, both Ox and Martin played superb today, yay. :D

Yeah, I give up, my lists are silly, this is why I said I'd only write lists after losses so I wouldn't have to do this anymore, sigh. :/

WINNERS

WE DID IT
WE BEAT AN UNDEFEATED TEAM
WE BEAT GEELONG IN AN ODD YEAR

You guise, it was such a good match, like just wow.
No Toovey, no Daisy, no Heath Shaw, no Beams, no Tyson Goldsack, AND YET WE STILL WON
And the best part: we got off to a good start and managed to stay ahead for basically the whole match (until the umpires gave Geelong all the free kicks but luckily that didn't faze us).

MAD SKILLZ

And I know all you avid readers (or lack of) are patiently waiting for another silly list, well TOO BAD b/c we don't need a list. Everything is okay. We just take that intensity from last night, all that pressure and tackling and awesomeness, and do it again next Friday. Maybe with Didak and Benny J, but yeah. Oh and Heath Shaw. Maybe get rid of Wittsy idk idk he did a super good tackle though, like yeah, it was such a team effort.

Also SAM DWYER.
The kid has been so damn good for us, not just last night, but all the other games, and like how was he hiding down at Port Melbourne all these years. But like he's 26 and not one club wanted him for all those years? Huh.

Oh and Jamie Elliott is just amazing, the way he played last night, not only kicking 3 goals but assisting goals too.
Also Krakouer omg, like just so great.
Krak, Caff, Lukey Ball... three out of four players that had ACLs last year were playing and did a pretty damn good job.
Marley Williams, back from a shoulder reconstruction, was amazing too.

Just a superb effort.

Anyway.
So proud of the boys.
Also, if Jolly gets suspended for THAT, then it's ridiculous, I mean yes it may have been high, but Stokes ran into Jolly AND DIDN'T EVEN GET HURT. AT ALL.
Oh well.
It'll only be a week, at most.
Our new number 25 ruckman will be okay to play.
Also, we've got Wittsy (who played alright) and Corey Gault is improving each week in the VFL, and Grundy's due to make his VFL debut next week or the week after (also Keeffe!), so ruck is the last of our worries.

Awesome. :D