Saturday, May 25, 2013

Just.... unnghhhhh

Well, I guess it's time for another list. Ugh. (just a warning: I don't mean to insult our players, okay, I'm sorry, but they need to lift. Just a little bit.)
(Also, a few players played well, Travis and Harry O, and a few players tried really hard, definitely Krak, maybe Seedsy, Jamie was in there a bit, Pendles I guess, so idk we weren't all bad but as a team, we were pretty bad)

  • 1 x Alan Didak
  • 1 x Ben Johnson
  • 1 x education for that 14 year old girl
  • 482 x donkeys for Travis Cloke
  • 77 x book titled "How to Precise Kick to Teammate for Dummies" for every Collingwood player (keep the leftovers, Swanny tends to lose things... LIKE THE BALL, JFC)
  • 21 x book titled "If half the Swans are on Travis, surely there's someone else to kick it to" for every Collingwood player last night except Travis
  • 1 x book titled "learn to goddamn make a lead and mark and kick goals and FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU SPUD" for the Q-stick
  • 22 x book titled "learn to goddamn lead out and give a player something to kick to" for every Collingwood player (except maybe Travis, seeing as he has every man and his dog surrounding him)
  • 3 x quick-heal-fast treatments for Beamsy, Daisy and Faz
  • 1 x quick-ACL-healer for Toovey
  • 1 x Ben Sinclair
  • 20 x shots of caffeine for Collingwood players (Travis and Harry O can be excused though)
  • 20 x peptides for Collingwood players (again, Trav and Harry excused)
  • 1 x chocolate cake for the ever-improving Jordan Russell
  • 2 x 'gold star' badges for Wittsy and Travis, for helping us get off to a good start
  • 2 x 'bronze-or-maybe-it's-tin stars' for Jamie and Sammy Dwyer, for giving me something to cheer about in the 4th quarter
  • 1 x Josh Thomas
  • 5 x laxatives slipped into Michael Voss' coffee
  • 22 x extra padding for each Collingwood player next week, just in case Jonathan Brown runs into them and leaves a hole the size of a house in their body
  • 1 x Jackson Paine (no but Q-stick doesn't have to go, I just... maybe Wittsy could just, y'know, step aside maybe?)
  • 1 x Kyle Martin (sadhappyface) (love ya, Faz, and I'm sorry, it's for the best xoxox)
  • 1 x Adam Oxley (DAISY, I'M SORRY, FORGIVE ME also please stay at the Pies, okay good)
  • 1 x Jack Watts
  • 1 x Kris Pendlebury (people sitting near me at the VFL were discussing how we should've picked this kid up in the draft and how ridiculous that he's 28 or something and is a quality defender/leader and also related to that Scott kid and NO ONE WANTS HIM JFC)
  • 1 x Jye Bolton
  • 1 x Mitch Brown
  • 1 x Ben Hudson (no but Jolly can have a rest against the Lions and the Dogs, okay, and anyway, Jolly can play against Melbourne, it's all fabbity fab fab)
  • 22 x fare evading fines for the Sydney players, I mean as if they had myki AS IF.
  • 1 x Heath Shaw (no why hope it's not a serious injury ugh)
  • 1 x Tyson Goldsack
  • 1 x Lachlan Keeffe (maybe in a few weeks)
  • 1 x Dayne Beams 
  • 1 x Toovey
  • 1 x petition for that Leuenberger kid to legally change his name to Leuenburger-canihavefrieswiththat
ugh I could just list every injured player, we need them WE NEED THEM ALL.

Nah, apparently Kyle Martin is a Beams, so him and Dwyer will be fab, also Oxley is a Toovey, both Ox and Martin played superb today, yay. :D

Yeah, I give up, my lists are silly, this is why I said I'd only write lists after losses so I wouldn't have to do this anymore, sigh. :/


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