BIG NEWS.

My Supercoach won its FIRST game.
ITS FIRST GAME.
FIRST.

Okay, I was playing the team on the bottom of the ladder. Whatever.
My team is still good.
I won with a shit captain, who got injured in the first quarter. Thanks for that, Goddard, you've taught me never to trust a guy who had his face run over by a steam roller. :P

As for other footy news, Melbourne and Freo both lost. :(
But Collingwood managed a good win, thrashing the Eagles by 50-something points, hahahaha.

GROUP HUG!!!111 :D

Dale Thomas, who was BOG, totally kicked Goal of the Year, and then took a good mark too.
Don't worry about the car, Daisy, JUST TAKE THE WHOLE BUS.

Crack kicked a super goal too. Two goals, in fact. Then, he hurted his arm, poor thing.

Speaking of goals, Maxy kicked an awesom-- oh wait, it didn't count, due to him kicking it through West Coast's goals. Oops.

And apparently, Maxy and Heath Shaw had a "heated discussion" at 3/4 time.
Hm.
Not sure what it was about, but I'm guessing it may have been about Maxwell's "holding" of Nic Nat, holding him back, holding his arms when he didn't have the ball... YES, I SAW THAT MAXY AND AREN'T YOU LUCKY THAT THE UMPIRES DIDN'T. :P

I just think Heath Shaw may have been telling Maxy off, because earlier in the game, Dawes got a free kick because Darren Glass was holding his arm. I mean, the umpires are good at seeing who's holding who and such. ...I think.

Sorry to bore you all, I'm done now. :P

COLLINGWOOD IS THE BEST. :P

Arizona: the place where all football-related injuries magically disappear.

Yay, it's a miracle! The rapture must have come and saved Jolly and Swanny from a life of pain, by booking them flights to Arizona mid-year.

It's like heaven! Only you get to come back to Australia (a.ka. the Real World) when you're completely healed.

This is brilliant! Hopefully they are back by July 3rd so that we can smash Hawthorn back to Tasmania the finals. And we will win! With two extra fit ruckman and an uninjured Brownlow medallist, we can beat those pussy cats and peck their eyes out with our epic beaking.

The other teams won't know what hit 'em. I mean, there they are, with their hybaric chambers and injury-prone ruckman, travelling around Australia playing football..... while we, side-by-side back-to-back premiers, relax and chill in Melbourne while our best players can afford to jet off to the Magical Gypsy Land Of The Healing Salt Lake with the pixies and eskimos using fairy dust to cure their injuries.

Go us. We, with our hundred thousand members, jetting off to holiday locations, for relaxing in a spring-fed pool and laying around in the sunshine, tanning our well-built muscly bodies.

Yay.

THE RAPTURE.

Right.
That was a fun rapture, wasn't it?



Basically, for those of you who don't know, God and Jesus and all those other people up in heaven organise a "Rapture" every few months/years/whatever.

And they send various clues down to Earth, to warn us about this. The smart people, those who believe, attend church and ask for forgiveness and such. These are usually the quiet ones in society, who rarely get noticed. And it's these people who get "Raptured", taken up to Heaven unnoticed, to have eternal life, etc etc.

The rest of us, the stupid ones, are ignorant. We either are cynical and do not believe that the End Of The World is actually happening, or we just spend our last few minutes doing other things- PARTYING PARTYING YEAH, getting wasted, living life to the full.

We, the majority of Earth's population, do not realise that any Rapture has taken place. We do not realise that we have been LEFT BELOW and God has selected a few good, kind people to go into Heaven.

We do not know WHO was taken into Heaven today.
We do not know ANYTHING.
All we know is that God loves us and will, one day, invite all of us to that magical place up in the clouds. In another Rapture, in another decade, in another millenium.

Until then, we should just sit tight and wait, for another Rapture, for the next Judgement Day, where God carefully separates the good from the bad.

So unless you've been super naughty and downloading porn, you will be chosen, one day in the near future. God's infinite-year-plan is all mapped out, he knows when everyone goes up there, he knows what people's lives are filled with.

And yeah.
Sorry about the religious-ness, hope I didn't lose any followers...

Tomorrow is May 21st 2011

What's with the random picture and this random blag post?

WELL. Apparently, according to some crazy people, the Rapture is tomorrow. Yes, we are all going to die, blah blah blah. Everyone is either PARTYING PARTYING PARTYING YEAH or at church asking for forgiveness right now.

(Or, if you're like me, you are sitting at home, trying to figure out how benzal-acetone turns into di-benzal-acetone. And I did. Basically, there's a lot of re-arranging and protons going everywhere but I DID IT. It's probably wrong, though, but oh well.)

Anyway, I don't know why I chose to put that picture at the top, but this blag post has a purpose. Unlike all my other blag posts.

Basically, tomorrow will be a long and tiring day, with some people being sucked upwards, and the rest of us stuck down here, like chewing gum on a carpet.

And I just want to say: Good luck to all you wonderful followers! If I were a god, selecting my army of people that I want to save, I'd choose you. Not just because you consistently view my blag, coming here religiously, reading my stupid rants about stupid TV shows, putting up with my creys over Alex and Sam and other unimportant things.
It's because I like you guys, you're always nice to me, even when I do rant and cry too much about Alex and Sam and other unimportant things.

So, thank you. It's been a pleasure having you all reading my rants, where I cry over unimportant things like Alex and Sam. :)

EULOGY.

This is Alex.
He was on the 2011 season of Masterchef.
Eliminated in the Top 50.
Wild card into the Top 24.
Eliminated in the first pressure test.

Ugh.
Thanks a lot, stupid judges, you and your stupid cravats and jumping around all the time.
Gosh.

For those of you who don't know, Alex had to cook a Bombe Alaska in the pressure test. No, he didn't have Josh Thomas' problem where the meringue kept sliding off, but there was a problem with the ice-cream/sorbet. Apparently, there wasn't enough of it (and the judges, being piggy and all, wanting buckets of the stuff) and also, Gary whined that the "sorbet was soaking into the sponge cake".

WHAT THE HELL, GARY? Stop being picky with your food! There are people starving in the world, and they would do anything for a tiny bit of food, let alone a freaking Bombe Alaska where the sponge is not separated from the sorbet.

Whatever.
I'm so depressed.

Alex was so good looking, had so much spirit and passion for cooking, so much eye candy.
He was like a Dane Swan, always smiling and doing things casually, in his own little way, with a covering of tattoos down the arm.

I mean, I just read this tweet from Mr American Pie:

Swanny using chopsticks to pick up water. Swanny knowing HOW to use chopsticks...?
Him and Alex are so similar, cheeky yet very good at what they do.

I love you, Alex, always remember that. When you're down in Melbourne to visit your f*ck buddy Chelsea find an apprenticeship, look for me. I will probably be the one creeping behind you, peering into your bathroom window.. you know, that kind of thing. I've had lots of practice shhh.

So long, Alex. See you again sometime in the future, and we can resume our lovely relationship that ended so abruptly. <3.

FAIL WHALE.

Well, that was a shit weekend of footy.

Collingwood lost.
Melbourne lost.
Freo lost.
My Dream Team lost.
My Supercoach lost.
I only got 3 in footy tipping.


Let's just forget this all happened, and pretend it was a horrible nightmare. The ladder will remain how it was at the end of Round 7, and the whole Geelong team will be flushed down their own stupid potty. :P

So, Collingwood aren't on top of the ladder anymore. :(

But because I am an optimistic (sometimes), here's some positives (on the football, and life in general):

• It was only 3 points. With a bit of luck and a dude named Jolly, we can win. Next time.
• Alex is still on Masterchef.
• May not have played as well, but Collingwood did stop Geelong kicking many goals. They kicked about 16 behinds or something, with Podsiadly missing two easy shots. :P
• It was wet. Ball was slippery. Even Geelong had trouble with the wet ball.
• Hunger Games is coming out in cinemas next year. I'm hoping that the whole movie will be just Liam Hemsworth, strutting around shirtless, with Josh Hutcherson crying and in pain the whole time. /hopeful.
• Sam Evans does not die on Glee. He will still be there in Season 3. :D
• Collingwood are still in the Top 4. And no one (except Geelong) will be ahead of them at the end of this round.
• Melbourne and Freo are yet to play, and still hanging on in the Top 8.
• Right now, Travis Cloke is the 3rd leading goalkicker.
• Neon Leon may not be lighting up the MCG with his banana goalkicking from the boundary, but he is a super player, having re-invented himself as a defender. :)
  

And yeah.
With a cool 9-day break, Collingwood can re-group, re-structure, re-everything, and SMASH THE CROWS BACK TO THEIR HOLE. :P

Woody, battling it out with Ottens in the ruck. :D

MASTERCHEF.

For those of you who don't watch Masterchef: you suck, with your life and other important things. Just be like the rest of us- boring losers, sitting around watching shit TV shows all day.

Anyway, there's this dude in the Top 50, and his name is Alex. He is so hot, and has big holes in his ears, an arrogant grin, thrives and survives elimination challenges, always messing up and setting sugar packets on fire and dropping cakes.
HE IS EPIC.

So, then, they choose the Top 24 and he cooked a dish with fowl and the judges weren't excited by it. So he got eliminated. :(
I was all upset, as you would be if your life is based around a TV show, and cried into some delicious cake, making it all soggy and wet, as wet as the floor in the Masterchef kitchen.

THEN. I saw a certain article from a blog that recaps reality TV shows and stuff.
I don't know its sources.
I don't know if this is even real.
WHATEVER.
The article says that some contestant in the Top 24 has pulled out and they've put Alex in as a replacement.
THEY'VE PUT ALEX IN AS REPLACEMENT.
THEY'VE PUT ALEX IN THE TOP 24.
THE TOP TWENTY-FOUR.

HE'S NOT ELIMINATED.

This is the best news I have ever heard EVER.
As I said before, I don't know if it's true.
But imagine if it was.
I'd have my Alex back.
I would continue watching Masterchef. Because I am, and always will be, a boring loser.

SO HAPPY.

Alex really is a cat with nine lives.
I just hope he makes it to the end. :)

WINNING.

And Collingwood beat the Dogs today. Yay!

I only listened to it on the radio (stupid TV is stupid) but the dude above, Heath Shaw, was marvellous in defence.
And the scores were level in the 2nd quarter and then, level in the 4th quarter. So, it was a really close game. Especially just before 3/4 time, when the Dogs kicked 3 goals or some shit, and were only 8 points down. :/.

But luckily, a Kangaroo- reject named Leigh Brown had his kicking boots on in the last quarter, and when the scores were tied, he booted four goals. Nice.
And that's not all. Richmond-reject Krakouer got 2 goals. :P

And Steele Sidebottom ended up with 3 goals! He's so awesome, always grinning cheekily. Or he seems like he's grinning cheekily, okay, I don't know.

Apparently, Cam Wood played a good game too. Sucks for him, though, because I'm sure Jolly will be okay in 2 weeks time and Browny kicked arse today. Eh, Woody is still young, he'll get his moment. :D

Anyway, cbf recapping the whole game. Collingwood won by 48 points or something, but that was only because they stacked on the goals at the end. It was sort of like the Essendon game, I guess. Meh.

Top of the ladder, yo.