MY ONE-OFF "COLLINGWOOD WILL MAKE THE GRAND FINAL" POST

Yeah, I said it.
They will.
Trust me.

We started off 2010 pretty shit, nearly losing to the Dees in Round 2, unable to kick straight against St Kilda in Round 3, losing to the pussycats in Round 7, and the Hawks in Round 22.
And a few injuries won't hurt us.
Lukey Ball is really valuable to the team, I love him just as much as the next guy. But Jarryd Blair could have the same role, right? We've got young midfielders coming out of our ears, all they need is a little confidence and the reins to really 'get in there'.

As for the other injury, Taz, who needs him*? How many premierships has he won us? Nathan J Brown on the other hand...

And yeah, Carlton are belting teams at the moment. So what? We belted the crap out of teams at the start of 2011, and we were so burnt out by the end of the season that we nearly lost to Brisbane, West Coast (semi final), and Hawks (prelim), and we did lose to the pussycats TWICE.

So, when October rolls around, we will have seen the following things (my photoshop skillz are pro):

My precious Alex Fasolo winning a cup

Carlton losing some sort of final (or better yet, not even making the finals hahahaha)

*Not a rhetorical question, the answer is me. :(

MAD MONDAY

Daisy Thomas, dressed up as Jesus. :P

Daisy is the Messiah. He just brought along litres of water, and everyone got drunk. Weird.

Plus, Sidey brought the beers:

I'm pretty sure that's Sidebottom in the Duffman outfit. 95% sure.

And Didak just dressed up as himself in the Grand Final. :P
In the photo above, I have no idea who the guy with the beard is. Someone tall and big. Leigh Brown, maybe?

Plus, these are "The Beaks":

L-R: Woody, Travis Cloke, Goldsack, Toovey.

How would they breathe in those outfits?
What the hell?
What if you needed the toilet?
What if you wanted to have a beer?
What if some chess champion walked in the room and started playing? You'd have to stay stationary for years.

Also, down at Geelong:

Jimmy Bartel, as the St Kilda school girl, with his her hotel roommate, Mitchell Duncan.

Aw. They make a great couple. :P
Jimmy loves to have a beer with Duncan... up in a hotel room, cuddling under the doona.

And that's all.
Stay tuned for next week: Undercover chessboards go searching for Wally, and order a jet ski to speed across the ocean, almost knocking into Jesus having a leisurely stroll, and end up stranded on a beach, looking up at Ricky Nixon and his 17-year-old girl staring down from a 20-storey balcony.

FRIDAY.

I went to Collingwood's training today.
It was amazing, they all trained well and are totally ready to smash some pussy cats tomorrow. :P

I didn't go to the parade though, so I missed out on this:

Sinclair and Faz, being awesome as per usual. :)

But I went to watch Fright Night instead.
It was really scary, I had to cover my eyes when the evil vampire was biting people's necks. :/
But there was Barty Crouch (a.k.a. David Tennant) who was really funny and liked to walk around shirtless and drink martinis.
Plus, DYLAN. From Modern Family.

"Do you wanna do me, do me? I just wanna do you, do you.. underneath the moonlight."

But he was barely in the movie. :(.
I kept thinking he would bring out his guitar and start serenading me random girls walking past.
And he was in the car with his friend, and they were like, "Hey, what's up with Charlie?" and Dylan goes, "He's paranoid. I was paranoid when I saw a carrot with a machete." And then, they died and I was sad. RIP Dylan. I love you. ;_;

Oh and there was this Spanish woman in the movie, and she totally reminded me of Gloria from Modern Family. But I was like, "Nahh, it can't be".
Then, on further investigation (i.e. Wikipedia searchings), I found out that the Spanish woman is not Sofia Vergara (a.k.a. Gloria) but her sister, Sandra.

Speaking of siblings, James Franco's brother was in the movie too.

Anyhoo, it was totally worth it.
I'd totally suggest for you guys to see it, but it's been at the cinemas for awhile, I think, so it's cinema-screening may be ending soon.
Get it out on DVD. Totally worth it. :D

YAY DANE SWAN.

Swanny won the Brownlow last night. :D
The picture above is from a few years ago, but it involves Swanny's cool hat and tattoos, plus My Own Personal Leprechaun, Damian Marty Clarke.

Anyway, my point is...
The last time a Collingwood player won the Brownlow in the same year as Collingwood winning the premiership was 1930.

Now, time for a bit of History:
1930.
When the Cats beat the Pies twice; once in the home-and-away season, and once in the preliminary final. (Really confusing, no idea how the system worked back then.)
And in October, for the big Grand Final, the Pies beat Geelong.

Bring it on, pussy cats. :P

IN THE GRAND FINAL!

Marching to October, thanks to pinching a win from the Hawks' little hands.
We're gonna smash some Eagles next week. :D

Jarryd Blair is tasting a Starburst-combination of victory. Yum.

Yay.
I only watched the first half, haha I get too scared, shut up.
(The Emmys were so good, though. Jane Lynch sung a really cool song about TV and how awesome it is, and then threw a slushie in Sue's face, ha! And Modern Family had won about 289383 awards before I flicked it back over to the footy just in time to see Mick shed a tear.)

Mick, with his cool hat. It's awesome. :P

Anyhoo, apparently Jolly and Reidy have hurted their legs, and Maxy broke his ribs? Ugh. Hopefully, the Eagles can punch some pussy cats today (and vice versa, depending on who wins).
Luckily, we've got Goldsack to fill in for Reid, right? And Woody can play too, I guess, and then Alex Fasolo for... I don't know, whatever. Just stick Faz in the team, okay.

Go pies. :D

FUN FACTS:

Dayne Beams has big ears.

People who shouldn't shave their heads: Daisy Thomas, and Alex Fasolo.

Ben Johnson is a "grumpy old man".

Dawes is spending his free time doing a Property essay, i.e. uni work, I guess. Massive nerd right there. Not even I do essays. The last essay I did was on Genetically Engineered Salmon and I never want to see salmon ever again in my life.

Fasolo is nicknamed "Onions". You wanna know why? Because when you look at him, you cry.

Above: My response to why Faz is called "onions". Absolutely pmsl-ing. :P

Alex Fasolo has one serious list of nicknames: Faz, Beyonce Bum, Fatsolo or Fatolo (depending on how you wish to spell it) and Onions.

Dawes is skilled at giving death stares.

And that's it! Stay tuned for next edition of the blag: When I go crazy over Alex Fasolo. Oh wait... that's every week. Oops.

FUN.

One goal assist, a mark, and a goal after the siren, for the wonderful Alex Fasolo. All in about 10 minutes.

Poor Reidy was injured, so little Faz got to come in and warm up the bench.
Then, when Didak had run his little heart out in his 200th, they sent Fasolo on at about the 15-minute mark of the 4th quarter.
And that was a great decision! After seriously lacking in the goal department on the 4th quarter, Faz handballed to Lukey Ball, and BAM. Straight into the prelim, watch out Daisy and Reidy, your spots are totally not there. :P

Oh and who said Neon Leon couldn't play finals? WHO?
Leon was fabulous, as per usual. :D
Basically the whole defence was good, so who needs Reid?

Pretty sure Collingwood escaped without an injury. Epic win.
(Although, idk why Didak was subbed off, maybe just resting his tired little legs? And apparently Toovey had some "medical issues" but I hope those are okay.)
(Speaking of Tooves, he's up for a logie with his Neighbours role of Creepy Pervy Guy #1. Maybe even a recurring role?)

Alex Fasolo ftw~.

It sucks when you get kicked out of the team because the coach prefers a player that either has a broken thumb, coming back from a hamstring injury, or hasn't played in 8 weeks.

But don't you worry, Alex Fasolo is still amazing. :D

Anyway, I hope Collingwood can beat West Coast on Saturday. :D

FOOTY.

Faz and his epic boots are cooler than all of you.
Deal with it.
:P

Anyway, Collingwood managed to beat the Lions last night. Yay!

Clokey kicked 5 goals, and is now EIGHT GOALS away from Buddy on le Coleman medal thingy.
I hope Buddy falls off a cliff and breaks both his legs I mean, what? I love Buddy, of course I do. I'd never wish such a cruel thing on poor little Buddy...

Oh and Mick Malthouse gave S.Bucks a spray at Quarter Time.
Either Simon Buckley scratched his key on Mick's car, or... idk, whatever.

My point is, I don't think Mick will be coaching the Demons next year. I mean, I'm sure he has nothing against the Demons and everything, but after having to put up with one Demon player for a year, Mick wouldn't want to put up with 40 of them. I mean, that's a bit risky for his car...

I still love S.Bucks, though. He's so cute, and always tries hard. :D
And Ben Sinclair played so well yesterday!
Same with Tom Young. He kicked two goals, one of them being a torp. And they doused him in red powerade at the end. Hahahaha. :P

I hope Faz gets to play next week. And Sharrod and Leon and Toooooooooves. All those awesome people that came from Perth. :)

Top of the ladder, yo.

FOOTY.

Happy 250th, Taz. :)

Half good and half bad weekend of footy.
Collingwood won.
Freo lost. :(
My Dream Team and Supercoach lost, ugh.
I lost to one of the bottom teams in the Dream Team. So annoying. Two of my players were injured, and, of course, I didn't have a reserve. FAIL WHALE.

So, I probably won't get to be 6th on the ladder. Still stuck in 8th, or if I'm really unlucky, NINTH.
Blah.

There's more bad news.
Travis Cloke, ex-sufferer of the dreaded yips, caught up to Buddy Franklin on the Coleman medal goalkicking thingy.
And then, today, Buddy just had to go and kick 3 goals. WHAT EVEN.
(And to make matters worse, Riewoldt kicked 4 goals and is equal with Buddy.)

WHY? WHYYYY?
Why didn't I break Buddy's legs?
:P

(Quotes from Futurama are very bubbly-making.)

FOOTY.

Ben Sinclair, doused in Powerade. :D

Massive comeback by the mighty Pies!
Down by 30 points or something, but there was never a doubt for them EVER.

Alex Fasolo (above) kicked a 5-faaaa, putting his AFL goal tally to 9. He has kicked the second-highest amount of goals at Collingwood in a number 35 jumper.
He may get a Rising Star nomination (yay!) and hopefully, a spot in the team when all the other players get back from injury. :P

And Clokey is only THREE GOALS away from Buddy Franklin for the Coleman medal.
Yay.

Such a good win.
Hopefully, Daisy can come back next week. Surely a corked thigh can't be THAT bad.
I mean, that Hardingham dude was running around today with a corked leg. Yes, he may have been sore at some points and really should've had a rest, but he was out there for pretty much the whole game. *shrug*

Essendon had so many injuries, though. Basically, that's probably how they lost, not having many interchanges.
I suppose that is the worst thing about being a top team, injuries are more likely if your team is working hard, all day at training, in the gym, at a game, trying to improve.

Top of the ladder, yo.

Heath Shaw. :/

Ugh.
8-week suspension for Heath Shaw, for betting on Nick Maxwell kicking the first goal in Round 9.
8 weeks, from Round 17 to 24.
I hope he learns his lesson, and doesn't do anything silly for the next 8 weeks, so that he doesn't have to carry out the full 14 weeks. That would suck.

But due to my optimism and looking on the bright side, here are the positives:

• He learned his lesson from that other scandal, the drunk driving thing. I don't think Heath will LIE about this, DENY that he had this bet. That would get him in a much bigger pickle.
• My Supercoach team is already crap, I knew that already. I'm on the bottom, or near to it, and I just made a substitution for Heath Shaw. All is well, on that account.
• It's about time Shaw had a rest, he's been a super player, always playing well, working hard, dishing out instructions to everyone, including the coach and captain. There are several younger players, waiting in the wings, ready to play. S.Bucks and Goldsack, maybe Macaffer could play Shaw's role?
  
• My Dream Team doesn't have Heath Shaw. That's gotta be a good thing, right? RIGHT?!
• He can still play in the finals, if he's a good boy.

Maybe Heath Shaw can go on a holiday to Arizona.
Didak and Dawes and Dayne Beams can go too, a nice relaxing time in the Magical Gypsy Land of Healing. They all could do with a bit of healing, with Didak, Dawes and Beams all injured and Shaw in desperate need of a few brain cells.

Maybe the little pixies and their fairy dust can weave their magic, creating hundreds and hundreds of grey matter, enough to fill the space between Heath Shaw's ears. (And mine too, I wouldn't mind some of those cells, to close my gap.)

And yeah.

YAY.

Fun fact: Collingwood has never beaten North Melbourne by more than 113 points since 1926 or something.

And, much to the radio commentators' excitement (and mine), the Pies made history, thrashing the Kangas by 117 points.
Steele Sidebottom, in his 50th game, kicked 4 goals. :D
And Lachlan Keeffe made his debut, took a few strong marks, etc.

2nd-gamer Lukey Rounds had the job on Brent Harvey, and holy crap, he actually did a good job! Rounds managed to stick with the Kangas skipper for most of the day, limiting him to 2 goals and just 12 disposals.

Swanny is well and truly fit from his relaxing holiday at the Magical Gypsy Land of Healing. He managed about 38 disposals, and 2 goals.

Not all good news for Collingwood, with my pretend boyfriend Daisy Thomas getting an ankle injury just before half time.
I'm not really sure what happened, but he came back on the field in the 3rd quarter and got some possessions and another goal, so I thought that everything was okay.
But just before 3/4 time, Daisy was substituted, so the ankle injury must have been worse. idk.

Oh and Alex Fasolo managed to keep up his 1-goal-per-game quota. Four for you, Alex, go you good thing!!

Top of the ladder, yo.

FUN.

Collingwood are one step closer to being Top Of The Ladder again.

Because Essendon beat the pussy cats.
Hahahaha.
:P

Basically, Collingwood and Geelong have the same amount of losses and once Geelong have their second bye, we're moving on up to higher ground, where the grass is greener, the view is magnificent, and the food is fabulous. We don't have to sit underneath, waiting for the scraps, having poop and kitty litter falling on our heads.

It will be marvelous.

FUN.

It's Alex Fasolo, getting doused in Powerade.
Fun times. :P

So, Collingwood thrashed some Demons yesterday.
Yay.

And I, the worst tipper in the history of footy tipping, tipped 8 winners.
TIPPED EIGHT WINNERS.
EIGHT.

And yeah.
But the weird thing about this, about Melbourne and Collingwood, is their VFL and AFL teams.
Two days before the Queen's Birthday match, Casey Scorpions (Melbourne's VFL team) and Collingwood's VFL team played each other.
And it was a bit of a thrashing, with the Scorpions playing really well.

But let's think about this for a moment.
Collingwood's VFL team is made up of rookies, 19-year-olds, and some other randoms.
Melbourne, on the other hand, have got a VFL team consisting of Ricky Petterd, Matthew Bate, Lynden Dunn, Brendan Fevo--- OKAY I'M KIDDING, HAHA.

So, Dean Bailey, I know you're trollin' my blag.
If you wish to remain coach at Melbourne, here's what you do:

Ricky Petterd. Get him on your team, STAT. I don't care if he's recovering from injury or scratched his key on your car, he's a valuable player.

Matthew Bate. Okay, he may be out of form, but Dean, think about it. He played well in the VFL and yes, it was only against rookies and teenagers, but give the guy another chance.

Lynden Dunn. Give the guy a Gillette razor and get him back on the team. I mean, yes, he may be out of form, but remember what happened in the Ashes? Mitchell Johnson sucked in the first test because it was Movember, but played fabulously in the third test, when it wasn't Movember.

It's kind of silly if your VFL team is going wonderfully, cruisin' along, and your AFL team is sucky.
People care more about the AFL team than the VFL one.
Dean Bailey, think about it.
LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES.

Thank you.

EDIT: If I didn't mention it earlier, congratulations to Alex Fasolo. Just take the whole bus.
You were absolutely unreal, keep it up. :D

FUN.

Well.

That was a good match last night.

Pretty similar to the Grand Final Replay last year.
Except this time, it was Steven Baker's 200th.

Steven Baker, getting the ball, looking like Cloke punched his head.

He didn't have a very happy 200th, though.
I mean, as well as his team losing, THEY DIDN'T CARRY HIM OFF THE GROUND.
Why.
WHYYY.
If some has their 200th game, don't two players usually hoist the 200-gamer up on their shoulders? Don't they?!

Well, whatever.
Baker deserves to be carried off EVERY game.
Because he's full of awesomeness and rainbows and sunshine.
He watches Wife Swap and Masterchef, enjoys a hot tea after sunset, and morning swims at the beach.
Here's to you, Steven Baker, may your successful career continue, bumping and tumbling all the way home.

Cooool.

Ah, good to see I won't be the only one missing the Dees vs Pies match due to an uncontrollable event.

Swanny, Jolly, L&N Brown, and Macaffer have booked their flights to Vegas Arizona, a.k.a The Magical Gypsy Land of Healing.
And they will miss thrashing the flailing Melbourne and their sucky coach.

Not that Dean Bailey is sucky. I think he's a very good coach. But then again, my assessments of good coaching skillz are poor, considering I was one of the cynical bitches who thought James Hird would be worse than Matthew Knights. Oops.

And thanks to the lovely Microbiology people, with their sterilised pens and cool hats, I will miss the Queen's Birthday showdown due to an exam, scheduled at 2:30pm.
Whut.
Who schedules exams at the exact time that Collingwood are playing?
WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?
Creys. ;_;

BIG NEWS.

My Supercoach won its FIRST game.
ITS FIRST GAME.
FIRST.

Okay, I was playing the team on the bottom of the ladder. Whatever.
My team is still good.
I won with a shit captain, who got injured in the first quarter. Thanks for that, Goddard, you've taught me never to trust a guy who had his face run over by a steam roller. :P

As for other footy news, Melbourne and Freo both lost. :(
But Collingwood managed a good win, thrashing the Eagles by 50-something points, hahahaha.

GROUP HUG!!!111 :D

Dale Thomas, who was BOG, totally kicked Goal of the Year, and then took a good mark too.
Don't worry about the car, Daisy, JUST TAKE THE WHOLE BUS.

Crack kicked a super goal too. Two goals, in fact. Then, he hurted his arm, poor thing.

Speaking of goals, Maxy kicked an awesom-- oh wait, it didn't count, due to him kicking it through West Coast's goals. Oops.

And apparently, Maxy and Heath Shaw had a "heated discussion" at 3/4 time.
Hm.
Not sure what it was about, but I'm guessing it may have been about Maxwell's "holding" of Nic Nat, holding him back, holding his arms when he didn't have the ball... YES, I SAW THAT MAXY AND AREN'T YOU LUCKY THAT THE UMPIRES DIDN'T. :P

I just think Heath Shaw may have been telling Maxy off, because earlier in the game, Dawes got a free kick because Darren Glass was holding his arm. I mean, the umpires are good at seeing who's holding who and such. ...I think.

Sorry to bore you all, I'm done now. :P

COLLINGWOOD IS THE BEST. :P

Arizona: the place where all football-related injuries magically disappear.

Yay, it's a miracle! The rapture must have come and saved Jolly and Swanny from a life of pain, by booking them flights to Arizona mid-year.

It's like heaven! Only you get to come back to Australia (a.ka. the Real World) when you're completely healed.

This is brilliant! Hopefully they are back by July 3rd so that we can smash Hawthorn back to Tasmania the finals. And we will win! With two extra fit ruckman and an uninjured Brownlow medallist, we can beat those pussy cats and peck their eyes out with our epic beaking.

The other teams won't know what hit 'em. I mean, there they are, with their hybaric chambers and injury-prone ruckman, travelling around Australia playing football..... while we, side-by-side back-to-back premiers, relax and chill in Melbourne while our best players can afford to jet off to the Magical Gypsy Land Of The Healing Salt Lake with the pixies and eskimos using fairy dust to cure their injuries.

Go us. We, with our hundred thousand members, jetting off to holiday locations, for relaxing in a spring-fed pool and laying around in the sunshine, tanning our well-built muscly bodies.

Yay.

So, Collingwood aren't on top of the ladder anymore. :(

But because I am an optimistic (sometimes), here's some positives (on the football, and life in general):

• It was only 3 points. With a bit of luck and a dude named Jolly, we can win. Next time.
• Alex is still on Masterchef.
• May not have played as well, but Collingwood did stop Geelong kicking many goals. They kicked about 16 behinds or something, with Podsiadly missing two easy shots. :P
• It was wet. Ball was slippery. Even Geelong had trouble with the wet ball.
• Hunger Games is coming out in cinemas next year. I'm hoping that the whole movie will be just Liam Hemsworth, strutting around shirtless, with Josh Hutcherson crying and in pain the whole time. /hopeful.
• Sam Evans does not die on Glee. He will still be there in Season 3. :D
• Collingwood are still in the Top 4. And no one (except Geelong) will be ahead of them at the end of this round.
• Melbourne and Freo are yet to play, and still hanging on in the Top 8.
• Right now, Travis Cloke is the 3rd leading goalkicker.
• Neon Leon may not be lighting up the MCG with his banana goalkicking from the boundary, but he is a super player, having re-invented himself as a defender. :)
  

And yeah.
With a cool 9-day break, Collingwood can re-group, re-structure, re-everything, and SMASH THE CROWS BACK TO THEIR HOLE. :P

Woody, battling it out with Ottens in the ruck. :D