OBITUARY.

This is what happens when the teachers tell us to come at 1 pm: I write my bf's obituary. (i.e. Dale Thomas' obituary).

~OBITUARY OF DALE RICHARD JAMES THOMAS~
On the shortest day of 1987, the world welcomed a cute little baby. His name was Dale Thomas.
When Dale came home from the hospital, he fought and fought with his older sister, Jessica. "This is my room! And my toys!" Two-year-old Jessica would scream.
Dale just sat there with his bottle of milk.

One day, Jessica was being kind and yelled, "You can has these videos of some footballer who gets violently drunk and his children and mother went away to find safety." She threw the videos at Dale.
Now, Dale didn't idolise any football team. He didn't care about AFL. But he watched the videos over and over again till they were worn out.
When he could finally talk, his first words were, "Mummy, I want to be Gary Ablett."

On a foggy day in March 1997, Dale borrowed his sister's hair straightener. Oh and he also started Auskick. The other kids marvelled Dale's ability to leap over everyone and take a specky and then kick a goal from an impossible angle.

Dale's blonde hair and flair really helped when he was drafted to Collingwood at a young age of 18.

He played with Collingwood for about 12 years, won a couple of premierships, a few dozen Brownlow medals and a banana.
He was 31 when he made his announcement to retire, saying that his relationship with his gf, Laura, was too involved and he wanted to start a family with her.

At 32, Dale got married to Laura in a secret wedding in Broome on June 16th. They were surrounded by family and friends and Dale has always described it as "beautiful and magical".

Laura and Dale had several children together and named them Aidan, Jayden, Hayden, Richard and James. They were a happy family until Laura got struck by lightning while retrieving the mail from the mailbox. Dale was deeply hurt by this and took the five children to America where he married Kristen Stewart.

Dale and KStew had one child together but unfortunately, couldn't have any more because KStew died from all the pot that she smoked.

So, 41-year-old Dale and his six children went travelling the world, only to stop when Dale fell in love with a man from Brisbane named Josh Thomas. Dale and Josh decided to get married because a) they loved each other and b) they didn't have to change their surname.
So, Dale and Josh petitioned, wrote letters and even stood on a roof with a megaphone to persuade the Prime Minister KRudd to legalize gay marriage.
But KRudd didn't want to upset his Christian followers on Twitter so he said no.

Fortunately, there was an election coming up and Rove McManus was elected to be Prime Minister of Australia. The first thing Rove did was buy a puppy for his wifey to play with in the White House. The second thing he did was blow up the House of Representatives and Senate and suggested that all politicians' debates and meetings be held on the social networking site, Twitter.

Finally, Rove legalized gay marriage. Dale and Josh and their six children celebrated with some non-alcoholic champagne and all was good.
A few hours later, Dale died because he drank too much non-alcoholic champagne and then, someone told him it was actually alcoholic champagne and he had OD'd.
THE END~!

MORE FANFICNESS.

~FANFIC~

Me and my bffl, Mitchie, were sitting on my front porch, bored.

"What shall we do~?" I asked, "I AM SO BOOOOOOOORED."

Mitchie stretched out his legs. "Mmm... I don't know," he mumbled.

"Idk either. D'URGG. D'URGGG. D'URGGG," I said, fierceeeely.

"D'urggg, lol," Mitchie reiterated.

Suddenly, we heard music. Mitchie stood up and watched as a van drove down our street.

As soon as I saw the van, I leaped up and squealed, "I LIKE HOME ICE-CREAM, I LIKE HOME ICE-CREAM, I LIKE HOME ICE-CREAM, THE NAME THAT RINGS A BELLLLLLL!"

The ice-cream van stopped and the driver, Haydo, leaned out his window.

"Hello, ma'am. Fancy an ice-cream?" Haydo said.

"Mmhmm," I said, reaching into my pocket for some cash, "A chocolate one, plz. And also: I loveeeeee you, Haydo~!"

Haydo took my money and smiled and handed me a chocolate ice-cream.

Mitchie also gave Haydo some money and asked for a vanilla ice-cream.

We waved goodbye as Haydo drove awayy.

We sat on the front porch again eating ice-creams.

"Oh, how I loveeeee ice-creams~!" I squealed.

"Me too," Mitchie agreed.

We licked our ice-creams in silence.

This was an excellent day! ^_________^

"Mitchie, we should eat ice-creams more often," I commented.

"Uh huh. It would stop you throwing pies/tomatoes at everyone," Mitchie replied, smiling.

I smiled toooooooooo.

THE END~!

Haydo would make a good ice-cream man.

He reminds me a bit of Otto Mann.

Similarities between Otto and Haydo: Long-ish hair, quirky, fun, funny, awesomeeeee, and MOARRR.

VALENTINE'S DAYYYYYYYY!

Because it's Valentine's Day, I'm going to write a Valentine's Day Fanfic. With Mitchieeee, me, Buddy, Daleeeeeee and, of course, Kylee (aka THAT BITCH).

~FANFIC~
"Oh, it's Valentine's Day!" I squealed. I was sitting on my couch next to Mitchieee.
"Yeah, I got some flowers from Jessica," Mitchie said, matter-of-factly.
"OMFG, DID YOU BUY HER A NEW DRESS? SOME MATCHING UNDERWEARRR?" I said, laughing fierceeeely.
Mitchie just laughed. He's been shy about the whole Jessica-Braitch-scandal-where-she-flashed-her-underwear.
Just then, the doorbell rang. I leapt off the couch and ran to the front door. Mitchie followed, timidly.
The postman was standing at the door.
"Helloooooooo. I have a package for... Laura," he said.
"I'm Laura," I shouted, fierceeeely.
The postman gave me the package and scooted awayyy.

So, me and Mitchie were sitting on the couch again with a package sitting between us.
"I wonder who it's from!" I squealed.
"Open it!" Mitchie said, putting the package on my lap.
So I tugged at the seal and managed to finally open the package.
Inside was.... a card, a box of candy hearts and some chocolate-shaped hearts.
I squealed again. Mitchie grabbed the card to read who it was from.
"The card just says, 'To Laura, Be my valentine. Love from Secret Admirer/Stalker'. Hmm," Mitchie said.
"So, someone got me a package and they didn't say who they were?" I asked, fierceeeely.
"Uh huh."
"Hmmm. Well, it couldn't be you, Mitchie. You'd have given me a pie," I giggled and hugged him tightly.
Mitchie just smiled and hugged me back.
"What other guys do I know? Buddy, Dale, Warner, Jimmy Bartel... idk," I said.
"lmfao, it'd be funny if Buddy sent this. Maybe under all his fierceeeeness, he has a sweet core," Mitchie said.
"Cross Buddy off the list. Too fierceeee. But I'll ring him. He might want to help us figure this mystery out." I got my mobile out of my pocket and dialed Buddy's number.
"Sup, Cuddly-Buddy?" I said.
"Nothin' much, Laura-Snorer. -giggle-"
I frowned. "Laura-Snorer is NOT appropriate. Anyhoo, I was wondering if you'd like to come over. I received a package and I have no idea who it's from," I told him, fierceeeeeely.
"Sure thing, Laura-Dora-Flora-Pourer." And he hung up before I yell at him fierceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely.
I turned back to Mitchie, who was eating a candy heart. "I'll call Daleeee-y. He might know," I said, grabbing a handful of candy hearts.
I called Dale Thomas' number. He answered after the first ring.
"Sup, Hazy-Daisyyyy?" I said.
"Nothing much, Laura," he replied, "Just chilling with my gf. It's Valentine's Day, O Mighty Laura."
"Mmhmm. Speaking of Valentine's day, I received a package from ~Mr. Anonymous~. Would you and your gf like to come over to figure this mystery out?" I asked.
"Oh course. Anything for my sweet little Laura," Dale said.
We both hung up and I turned towards Mitchie. "Buddy, Dale and THAT BITCH are coming over," I informed him.

Ten minutes later, Buddy, Dale, THAT BITCH KYLEE, Mitchie and me were sitting around the table drinking soft drink and eating chocolate.
The package was in the middle of the table.
"The writing on the card looks exactly like Dale's writing," Kylee mused, "And isn't it ironic how I get nothing for Valentine's Day and yet, Laura gets a package with Dale's writing on the card."
"Ironic, yes," Dale replied, uneasily, "Maybe someone with the same writing as me sent Laura a package. Or maybe, just maybe, I've been stalking and spying on the love of my life for a year and today, I finally managed to give her a Valentine's gift."
"Fudge! Is that true?" I yelled.
Dale nodded. "Yes, Laura. I love you dearly."
Kylee's jaw dropped. She walked out of the house. Actually, she STORMED out of the house. Trollop.
I hugged Dale. "THANK YOU SO MUCH!"
Dale hugged me back.
And then, Mitchie got jealous of me hugging another guy and he says, "Laura, does this mean I'm not your bffl anymore. ;_;"
Before I could say anything, Mitchie hands me a present. "Happy Valentine's Day, bffl!"
I opened up the present and it was a PIEEEEE.
"Happy Valentine's Day to you too, bffl!" I squealed. I hugged my boyfriend, Dale. Then hugged my bffl, Mitchie.
And then, I threw the pie at Buddy. And we all laughed.
The End~!