OBITUARY.

This is what happens when the teachers tell us to come at 1 pm: I write my bf's obituary. (i.e. Dale Thomas' obituary).

~OBITUARY OF DALE RICHARD JAMES THOMAS~
On the shortest day of 1987, the world welcomed a cute little baby. His name was Dale Thomas.
When Dale came home from the hospital, he fought and fought with his older sister, Jessica. "This is my room! And my toys!" Two-year-old Jessica would scream.
Dale just sat there with his bottle of milk.

One day, Jessica was being kind and yelled, "You can has these videos of some footballer who gets violently drunk and his children and mother went away to find safety." She threw the videos at Dale.
Now, Dale didn't idolise any football team. He didn't care about AFL. But he watched the videos over and over again till they were worn out.
When he could finally talk, his first words were, "Mummy, I want to be Gary Ablett."

On a foggy day in March 1997, Dale borrowed his sister's hair straightener. Oh and he also started Auskick. The other kids marvelled Dale's ability to leap over everyone and take a specky and then kick a goal from an impossible angle.

Dale's blonde hair and flair really helped when he was drafted to Collingwood at a young age of 18.

He played with Collingwood for about 12 years, won a couple of premierships, a few dozen Brownlow medals and a banana.
He was 31 when he made his announcement to retire, saying that his relationship with his gf, Laura, was too involved and he wanted to start a family with her.

At 32, Dale got married to Laura in a secret wedding in Broome on June 16th. They were surrounded by family and friends and Dale has always described it as "beautiful and magical".

Laura and Dale had several children together and named them Aidan, Jayden, Hayden, Richard and James. They were a happy family until Laura got struck by lightning while retrieving the mail from the mailbox. Dale was deeply hurt by this and took the five children to America where he married Kristen Stewart.

Dale and KStew had one child together but unfortunately, couldn't have any more because KStew died from all the pot that she smoked.

So, 41-year-old Dale and his six children went travelling the world, only to stop when Dale fell in love with a man from Brisbane named Josh Thomas. Dale and Josh decided to get married because a) they loved each other and b) they didn't have to change their surname.
So, Dale and Josh petitioned, wrote letters and even stood on a roof with a megaphone to persuade the Prime Minister KRudd to legalize gay marriage.
But KRudd didn't want to upset his Christian followers on Twitter so he said no.

Fortunately, there was an election coming up and Rove McManus was elected to be Prime Minister of Australia. The first thing Rove did was buy a puppy for his wifey to play with in the White House. The second thing he did was blow up the House of Representatives and Senate and suggested that all politicians' debates and meetings be held on the social networking site, Twitter.

Finally, Rove legalized gay marriage. Dale and Josh and their six children celebrated with some non-alcoholic champagne and all was good.
A few hours later, Dale died because he drank too much non-alcoholic champagne and then, someone told him it was actually alcoholic champagne and he had OD'd.
THE END~!