Gotta to my annual Copeland Trophy predictions post on this blog, just to give the readers something to read
So, it's tomorrow night and i'll try and predict the winners of each award (even though we all know Alex Fasolo is winning every single award)

The Top 10:
1st: brodie grundy 2nd: steele sidebottom3rd: taylor adams4th: scott pendlebury5th: brayden maynard

6th: jordan de goey7th: josh thomas8th: jack crisp9th: ALEX FASOLO (yeah he only played half a game but he got enough votes to beat Mason Cox)10th: mason cox

Best Finals player: STEELE ROBERT SIDEBOTTOM AHHHHHHH 

Best first year player: JAIDYNNNNNNNNNN STEPHENSONNNNNNNNNNN

Best VFL player: ALEX FASOLOOOOO YOU'RE THE ONE YOU REALLY TURN ME ON FOOTBALL'S COMING HOME  (or marty hore idc)

Leading goalkicker: jordan de goey 

Best clubman: ok it'll be lynden dunn booooo but TIM BROOMHEAD deserves it way more. after having a huge preseason and shining in AFLX and the practice games, he was all set for a big season and finally got in the team in round 2 and had legit been on the field maybe 10 minutes... until tragedy struck in the form of some crappy Tom Phillips kick and a misplaced goalpost. Tim and his girlfriend (who had just moved here) could've easily gone to Europe or holidayed on a romantic cruise, but no, Tim hung around the entire year, showed up every day to work hard on the rehab and scoot around every training session to support the boys and he went to every game and was always there for Brodie Grundy (who had a standout season with all this extra moral support) even though it would've been super hard for Tim because this was meant to be his breakout season where he'd finally gotten over the numerous injuries that have plagued him for years and he's out of contract next year with the possibility of being delisted and sent packing back to South Australia, so it's a great effort to put on a brave face every day and be the moral support that Collingwood needed to get all the way to a grand final. Pies are truly blessed to have this guy in their midst and they're MAD to not honour his dedication and commitment with the Best Clubman award and a contract for next year. he BROKE HIS LEG which was the fault of a TEAMMATE, this is not an easy thing to come to terms with. yet he's been nothing but optimistic ever since that fateful Saturday night on March 31st in a hospital room adjacent to Tom Scully and Kayle Kirby.

Desire indicators: dunno probs alex fasolo

COPELAND TROPHY 2K17

okay so the copeland trophy is tomorrow night omg so exciting!!!!! gonna do my predictions tonight b/c i won't be online much tomorrow lol

The Top 10:
1st: STEELE SIDEBOTTOM*
2nd: jeremy howe
3rd: brodie grundy
4th: goldsack
5th: brayden maynard

6th: taylor adams
7th: adam treloar
8th: pendles
9th: jordan de goey 
10th: alex fasolo

Best Finals player: this award doesn't exist any more, finals are a thing of the past
Best first year player: callum brown**
Best VFL player: KAYLE KIRBY (or mason cox)
Leading goalkicker: hahahaha this award also doesn't exist, soz to whoever kicked the most goals this year
Best clubman: alex fasolo 
Desire indicators: dunno probs alex fasolo

*even though he hides his face behind someone's arm and gives drugs to my bae
**not much competition to be honest but callum was very good in the few games he played. although same could be said about josh daicos so maybe it could be split? both were very good considering they are VERY TINY PRINCES and only played 2 games each idk. 

FIRST LIST FOR 2017

No one reads this blog but anyway, here goes

Collingwood are 2-5 on the ladder and playing like absolute poo except for when we play crappy teams  like Sydney and Geelong.

So, my friend Nathan Buckley, we need the following things:

• 1 x Daniel Wells 
• 10 x books titled "how to kick inside our forward 50 for dummies" for most players especially taylor adams
• 1 x quick fix miracle treatment for Travis Varcoe
• 98284 x cakes for Alex Fasolo b/c he's amazing and carries our forward line
• 1 x box of donuts for Jeremy Cameron to remind him of how many goals he's kicking on saturday
• 1 x the version of Jarryd Blair that played in the vfl last Sunday, not the other one
• 1 x Ben Crocker
• 1 x Matt Scharenberg (i understand why bucks would hold him back though b/c he's a precious little angel and we don't want to throw him in the deep end)
• 1 x book titled "how to write cute messages on cute girl's guernsey" for Tim Broomhead b/c he can legit think of nothing RUUUDE
• 1 x treasure map for Alex Fasolo to lead him to the treasure (me)
• 1 x a fit Rupert Wills
• 1 x lesson for Taylor Adams on how to kick to a collingwood player
• 1 x rising star nom for Tom Phillips (and/or Ben Crocker, depending which one plays on saturday idk)
• 8248 x jamie elliotts
• 28249824 x ben reids
• 1 x smelly fish in Mumford's car

we need to beat GWS and continue our unbeaten streak against that mob 

FANFIC (sequel to the previous one)

It was a nice sunny day in Perth and I was chilling on the beach with my bff Mitchie J. I placed my book down on the sand and glanced at my bff.
"So," I said, "you ready for tonight?"
Mitch was calm, steady. "Yes."
We watched the ocean for a bit, as Seb Gotch tried to surf a wave and failed, and Ashton Agar got dunked under a bigger wave.
I waved to Seb shyly and he glanced back at me, recognition in his eyes. Mitch shot me a look. "He's the opposition!" Mitch hissed at me.
"Yeah, so?" I said, feeling a bit guilty because I should be fully supportive of my bff and whatever team he plays for, "He's cute."
Mitch rolled his eyes. "Can we throw a pie at him?"
"No!" I said, indignantly.

*hours later*
At the WACA, Scorchers had posted a total of 129. In a way, I prayed it was enough so Mitchie J could go into the big grand final, but I was from Melbourne so I had a soft spot for the Stars. And Seb. Most definitely Seb.
After Quiney had hit 10 sixes in a row and KP had faced a dozen balls from his old mate Mitchie J, they were both out, succumbing to the tricky bouncers of my bff.
Seb came in.
I held my breath.
And prayed he'd make it through Mitch's dangerous spell.
Mitch ran in.
Bowled the ball.
It was a fast yorker and Seb managed to dig it out with his bat just as it nearly hit his feet. The ball bounced back toward Mitch, who picked it up and, just as Seb was thinking about taking a quick single, chucked the ball at Seb.
I gasped.
The ball changed into a pie and splattered Seb's face.
The crowd laughed and roared.
I cried.
I watched as Mitch said a few words to Seb, who shook his head in confusion, and they went on with the game.

I met Mitchie J at the bar down the road.
"What on earth happened out there?" I accused my bff, skulling half my cider.
Mitch blinked. "I just warned Seb that my bff liked him and if he hurt you, I'll do much worse than throw a pie."
I blinked. "Huh."
"You do like him, yeah?" Mitch asked.
"Kinda," I admitted.
Mitch nodded, drank his beer and made for the exit. "He likes you too." Then he left.
THE END.

FANFIC #829424

"Knight to E4," I said, staring at the chess board.
Mitchie J picked up my knight and moved it to E4. "You have to actually pick it up, this isn't wizard's chess," he explained.
"Huh," I said, understanding.
We sat in silence for a few minutes until I piped up with, "Uh, Mitch? Your turn."
Mitch jumped and blinked a few times. "Shit, sorry, just distracted."
I knocked the whole chess board off the table.
Mitch jumped again.
"Are you still thinking about your old mate KP?" I asked him.
"No," Mitch scowled.
And then: "...Yes." Mitch sighed. "I haven't seen him in years. I dunno what he'll be like. Do you think he missed me? What do I say?"
"Hm," I said.
"Maybe.." I said, thinking some more. "You should..."
"THROW A PIE!" Me and Mitch said at the same time like all good bffs do.
We fell on the ground laughing.

*4 hours later*
I stood in the stands at the WACA near the race that the Perth Scorchers come out of. Mitch came over to where I was, and signed a few kids' shirts and bats.
"You got everything?" I asked him, feeling a bit nervous about our plan.
"Yeah," Mitch answered.
"Good luck," I said.
"Thanks," he said.

The game was on. Quiney had just tried to hit his 17th six and failed and was walking back to the pavilion. I watched from the sidelines as Kevin Pietersen walked to the crease, swishing his rhino bat at imaginary cricket balls as he walked.
I looked at Mitchie J, standing at the top of his mark, taking deep breaths.
KP got to the crease.
KP got ready to face the ball.
Mitchie J breathed a few more times, twirling the ball in his hand.
KP was ready.
Mitchie J started his run up.
He kept running.
Then
at the crease
he launched the ball into the perfect bouncer
and
at the last second
right before the ball smashed into KP's helmet
it turned into a pie
and splattered all over the grille
and into KP's smug little face

The crowd wowed and gasped, in absolute hysterics.
I laughed.
Mitchie J laughed.
KP was mortified.

At the end of the game, I met Mitchie J at a bar down the road from the WACA.
"You did good," I said, nursing my cider.
"He hit me for 5 sixes in one over," Mitch said, shaking his head and taking a big gulp of beer, "And our team lost."
I laughed. "That was the best part."
Mitch scowled at me and chucked a pie in my face.
THE END

COPELAND TROPHY 2k16 PREDICTIONS

okay, as I've been doing every year, i'm gonna predict the Copeland awards, yo

The Top 10:
1st: ADAM TRELOAR
2nd: pendles
3rd: sidey
4th: grundy/reid
5th: jack crisp
6th: taylor adams
7th: nathan brown
8th: levi greenwood
9th: jordan de goey
10th: jeremy howe

Best Finals player: hahahaha i don't think this award exists any more
Best first year player: JOSH SMITH
Best VFL player: caff or ben moloney 
Leading goalkicker: ALEX FASOLO OH MY GODDDDDDDDD YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS (25 goals in 12 games yoooo)
Best clubman: alex fasolo's a clubman hahaha nah idk maybe caff??? or tooves
Desire indicators: hmmm jarryd blair

look i have no idea hahahaha but the top 3 is too easy hahaha

FRIENDS

footy sucks again :(
i mean it was going okay in the 2nd and 3rd quarters but it just sucks, you know???
so i'm here to make another list b/c yolo
also i don't mind losing to West Coast b/c they are babes and i'd bang like all of them (mostly brad shep) but i DO mind losing to carlton and daisy thomas and other horrible people.

• 1 x Ben crocker (he's too young for me but mmmm love me anyway but no i really liked his game in the vfl, setting up goals, running and chasing hard, he did everything in the 2nd quarter of the vfl)
• 1 x tom phillips
• 1 x cake for tim broomhead b/c he's learning how to goal celebrate and i am proud
• 821834 x cakes for alex fasolo
• 234 x steele sidebottom
• 1 x uninjured taylor adams
• 924 x travis varcoe
• 6 x prayers for jonathon marsh so he gets better 
• 1 x smelly fish in marc murphy's car
• 1 x treasure map to lead alex fasolo to the love of his life (me)
• 1 x brent macaffer
• 1 x james aish
• 1 x rising star nom for darcy moore
• 20 x books titled "how to defend for dummies" for like all of them
• 1 x box of donuts for daisy thomas to remind him of how many goals he's kicking on saturday (and to make him fat ha ha ha)
• 1 x dane swan
• 1 x jamie elliott
• 7243 x alex fasolo b/c you can never have enough sexy babes 
• 23 x books titled "kick to alex fasolo in the forward line b/c he needs goals, who cares if he's got 20 defenders on him and he's never gonna get it (my loving)" for all of them hahaha

okay i'm done

i just want ben crocker to debut

but idec, i just want ben shhhh

FOOTBALL SUCKS

no, it actually sucks.
so i have come here, to make a list, because we really REALLY need to beat essendon.

• 1 x uninjured dane swan (PLEASE)
• 1 x fit jamie elliott (PRETTY PLEASE)
• 1 x cake for alex fasolo
• 20 x books titled "how to deliver the ball to the forward line for dummies" mostly for tay, but also everyone
• 20  x books titled "don't kick to alex fasolo if he's surrounded by 20 defenders because he's never gonna get it" for basically everyone
• 1 x tim broomhead
• 1 x ben crocker
• 7264 x adam treloar
• 1 x treasure map to lead alex fasolo to the love of his life (me)
• 1 x smelly fish in brendan goddard's car
• 1 x rising star nomination for darcy moore
• 1 x miracle that ben reid can get through a whole year without hurting himself
• 1 x box of donuts for joe daniher to remind him of how many goals he's kicking next monday
• 824 x alex fasolo because again, we need way more of this sexy babe
• 1 x brent macaffer
• -1 x jesse white (he did a few good things but no thank you)
• 1 x anthrax-infected moustache comb for joe daniher
• 1 x jonathon marsh (PLEASE)
• 6824 x travis varcoe
• 92892842943 x steele sidebottom
• infinite x tom langdon (and his cute man bun)

that's it.

i'll go mail this to bucks and we should be right.

WELL FOOTY'S BACK

and footy sucks.
glad we found that out in round 1.
but alas, no! footy doesn't suck, the nab challenge series was actually pretty good, we can get that back
and that's why I'm here.
to write a list (you're welcome, bucks)
wE HAVE TO BEAT RICHMOND, THERE'S NO OTHER OPTION, WE HAVE A BETTER LIST THAN RICHMOND, TRELOAR SAID SO

• 1 x uninjured Dane Swan lol plz
• 15 x adam treloar
• 1 x cake for alex fasolo 
• 20 x books titled "how to play football for dummies" 
• 1 x 20 cent coin to dane swan so he doesn't retire
• 1 x hair removal cream for trent cotchin's dumb luscious hair (hey cotchin will meet his old mate caff next week hehehe)
• 1 x ben reid
• 7284 x alex fasolo b/c we need more of this sexy babe
• 1 x quick-fix for travis varcoe's hamstring 
• 1 x treasure map to lead Alex Fasolo to me
• 1 x smelly fish in jack riewoldt's car
• 1 x rising star nomination for darcy moore
• 1 x tim broomhead
• 22 x players who get their little paws on the footy
• 22 x players who can kick straight and use the footy properly
• 15 x players who can find a target inside the forward 50
• 1 x muffin basket for the MRP so they don't give sidebottom any weeks
• 1 x waiving of josh thomas' suspension 
• 1 x jamie elliott
• 1 x box of donuts for ty vickery (just to remind him how many goals he'll kick on friday)
• 1 x adam oxley

okay yeah i'm done bye

*mails list to nathan buckley*

thoughts on the copeland trophy 2015

• most of my predictions came true, like the obvious ones (gooey and jamie's awards and pendles coming first, and swanny second)
• i had crispy, tay and sidey in my top 5 so that's cool. 
• i knew langdon would be in the top 10 (he was 5th after round 17 or whatever and i was hoping he would keep that spot but oh well, next year)
• thank god nathan j. brown got recognised for all his hard work and being a great bloke, he really deserves it ABOUT BLOODY TIME lol god bless. and then at the end of his speech, he's like "i better wrap it up now b/c i'll finish it when i pick up the copeland later" omg
• i picked varcoe and brown to get in the top 10 and they did, but i am disappointed fazzy didn't get in there. sigh. he probably got 11th. lol. (i looked at west coast's top 10 during the night and couldn't see sharrod so it doesn't even matter if you don't make the top 10, you're still a valuable player)
• tay's girlfriend alex wore the same dress as alex davis
• benken rocked up to the copeland presumably for the free booze and he's bored of soloing to the movies every night
• glad they mentioned (and invited) young, dwyer, manteit, patty k and T.A.'s new journalism career, they deserve recognition!!!! there's at least two afl/vfl premierships between them all!!!!
• caff's having a baby
• they're all going to bali today/tomorrow/idk for the king and queen's wedding
• we're stuck with pendles for another 4 years 
• fazzy introduced the gordon coventry award and i died 
• jonathon marsh took his mum as his date awww
• i didn't see the timster all night, i am disappointed, lol i wonder if he was solo or had his dumb girlfriend there I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
• i assume fazzy went with ox and benken, and not izy lol
• seedsy sat at home, watching the livestream, and crying (I DON'T KNOW OKAY BUT IF HE'S HUMAN THEN HE CRIED AND CRAWLED BACK TO COLLINGWOOD WITH HIS TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS)
• fuck why didn't collingwood sign seedsy back in april 
• or at least when he kicked that goal against freo
• so mad
• ugh
• if he'd just been signed back in april-june then everything would've been fine
• if only benken hadn't been dropped after the dogs game WOW HE MISSED ONE SET SHOT THAT WAS 30-40 METRES OUT ON AN ANGLE, HE ISN'T SUPERMAN
• oh oh and ben moloney won the vfl best player SO DESERVING
• he drives from geelong three times a week for training and loves it
• he could easily switch to geelong's vfl team or get a game wherever he wants but HE'S SIGNED ON TO OUR VFL TEAM FOR ANOTHER YEAR
• GOD BLESS
• HE GETS PAID PEANUTS AS A VFL PLAYER AND WORKS ANOTHER JOB BUT HE LOVES COLLINGWOOD
• HE LOVES US
• HE LOVES VICTORIA PARK

and yeah

bye

copeland trophy 2015

let's continue with the trend i started a few years ago and predict the winners of the awards tonight lol

okay
for the main copeland trophy award, i'll guess the top 10-
1st: pendles
2nd: swanny/sidebottom
3rd: taylor adams
4th: marley
5th: jack crisp
6th: travis varcoe
7th: nathan brown
8th: tom langdon
9th: jamie elliott
10th: fazzy baby

Best Finals player: brent macaffer yo (i don't think this award counts for vfl finals though lol)
Best first year player: GOOEY
Best VFL player: SAM DWYER
Leading goalkicker: JAMIE
Best clubman: i never know what a clubman is, but has to be Alex Fasolo
Desire indicators: again, dunno what this is, but just give it to Alex Fasolo plz @ god

i just want faz to get in the top 10 omg or at least get one award SOMETHING, ANYTHING, PLZ @ GOD JESUS OBAMA TAY 

LIST

lol we pretty much sucked against Richmond, hahahaha it was awful.
but no worries, we were 8-3 at the bye (which was pretty damn good) and endured some honourable losses (especially the one where we scared hawthorn) and got to see some very talented young guys in the seniors (especially ones we've waited FOREVER to see, like scharenberg).

Anyway.
It would be super nice to beat geelong, mostly b/c winning is fab and it's great to sing the song at the end and it's extra great seeing us kick lots of goals and see all the PDA lol who cares that we "have nothing to play for" WE HAVE EVERYTHING TO PLAY FOR. WINNING IS EVERYTHING.

list:

• 8284 x Alex Fasolo (siiiigh, the poor kid, he really does try hard ugh)
• 1 x Mason Cox (SO SO SO SO GOOD IN THE VFL TODAY, HIS MARKS INSIDE 50!!!!! GOALS!!!!!!)
• 1 x Jarrod Witts 
• 8724 x Dane Swan (he's just really fab okay omg why isn't everyone like swanny)
• 1 x Matthew Scharenberg
• 1 x 20 cent coin for Matthew Scharenberg so he stays at the pies
• 1 x quick-fix for timmy's shoulder
• 22 x books titled "how to look what you're kicking the ball to for dummies" lol 
• 2324 x books titled "how to kick a goal for dummies" lollllll goals are fun
• 1 x black hole opening up in front of joel selwood when he goes for his next run
• 1 x Seedsy to share the 50th game celebrations with sinclair
• 1 x Adam Oxley (i guess so) (he's literally just mopping around, may as well use the kid) (that's not a typo) (oxleymoron)
• 1 x hair removal cream for Tom Hawkins' shampoo lol

idk whatever

i'll send this bucks, we can't lose next week :)

TRUST ME, FRIENDS, I'VE GOT THIS 

MUCH NEEDED LIST FOR BUCKS

okay, so we've just endured a sixth loss in a row. SIXTH LOSS. HOW HAVE WE EVEN SURVIVED THIS LONG. shit.
anyway, i guess we're going fine and developing young guys and getting games into the kids, and also losing Trav for a few games, so obviously we have to deal with losses just like any rebuilding team does. (and considering most goals this season have come from trav and jamie, and neither of them are at full fitness soooo how else do we get goals)

BUT
i will do a list for Bucks b/c i am bored and have expert knowledge to give (i have nothing)

• 274782 x Alex Fasolo, lol fuck he's the sexiest babe of all time ilysm let's clone him, the world needs more of this angel
• 1 x Jarryd Blair
• 1 x Clinton Young (hey, guess who has an undefeated record against Carlton?????)
• 924 x Travis Varcoe SHIT THIS GUY, HE'S AMAZING, HI HELLO GEELONG WOW DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF THIS GUY, WE'LL TAKE ALL OF THEM
• 1 x Travis Cloke, one-legged or not
• 20 x "how to kick straight to a collingwood player for dummies" for basically all of them idk
• 193 x "how to kick between the two big sticks for dummies" lol
• 1 x cake for Alex Fasolo
• 1 x BenKen
• 1 x fire to burn all the spreadsheets at ASADA HQ
• 1 x treasure map to lead Alex Fasolo to me
• 87 x Dane Swan
• 1 x shoulder for Tim Broomhead (ily timmy, i miss you)
• 1 x rising star nom for gooey
• 1 x 2016 rising star medal for scharenberg (ily shaz)
• 1 x catfish in Marc Murphy's car
• 1 x 20 cent coin for Josh Thomas so he doesn't give up on his AFL career

yeah i got nothing else.

look, we'll be right if we have clinton young next week. we've never destroyed anyone's amazing statistic before. (i'm joking, 6 weeks ago Varcoe had this amazing stat of the best win/loss record in the AFL ha ha ha)

(ha)

(soz Varcoe)

(no but i don't think six losses would destroy a really good win/loss thingy, right????? IT'S ONLY 6 LOSSES, THE WORLD DIDN'T BURN DOWN!!!!)

OBLIGATORY LIST

so. we thought we were good. but we lost to geelong and that just sucks. we were never really in it after geelong kicked 5 goals in a minute in the 1st quarter. oops.

a list is needed, i guess. hi bucks, yes i'll get right on it, i know just what you need to beat Richmond. and we do need to beat Richmond. Not just for the 4 points or whatever, but because it's Richmond.

• 1 x Alex Fasolo 
• 1 x Seedsy
• 20 x players who can get their paws on the footy
• 2 x books titled "kicking between the two big sticks for dummies" for Trav and Jesse
• 1 x Jordan De Goey (gooey)
• 1 x Ramsay
• 22 x on switches for anyone in the team vs Richmond (no but they just weren't switched on friday night???)
• 1 x lesson for Wittsy on keeping his witts about him (or just learning to mark)
• 1 x bottle of hair removal cream to put in Trent Cotchin's conditioner
• 1 x treasure map for Alex Fasolo to lead him to me
• 1 x BenKen
• 3 x Brodie Grundy (if only all our ruckman were as good as grundy)
• 7 x Scott Pendlebury
• 87 x Dane Swan (or just anyone that can get the ball and slot it through the sticks without breaking a sweat)
• 10 x cheeseburgers for Dane Swa--- NO, BAD SWANNY, WHAT HAPPENED TO GETTING A BEACH BODY THAT YOU'VE BEEN DILIGENTLY TWEETING ABOUT????
• 1 x fire at the ASADA building to burn all records of JT and Keeffe's positive samples
• 1 x Josh Thomas (the footballer)
• 1 x Timmy for 4 quarters
• -1 x Tony Armstrong (i am soz, but we've gotta drop someone)
• 1 x cake for Alex Fasolo b/c he's amazing

yeah, that's it.

I mean, there's probably a bunch more stuff but surely this will do. Hopefully. 

I hope we win next week. I like winning. That was really fun. Yeah.

LIST #82842 idk

So, we lost to Adelaide. We can't kick. We suck. No but really, we're okay, we're fine, but maybe another list for Bucks will get the wheels moving again.

Also we need to beat St Kilda. Like there's no other option. And we need to get our best team ready for ANZAC day b/c we need to win there too. Also we need to beat Carlton b/c deep down Mick would want a Collingwood win when he celebrates passing Jock's record.

• 1 x miracle to quickly heal Sidebottom's thumb ASAP
• 32 x Steele Sidebottom
• 1 x lesson on how to kick to a teammate
• 821834 x books titled "how to make a lead and give your poor teammate something to kick to FOR DUMMIES" for like everyone
• 1 x jordan de goey (gooey)
• 1 x rising star nom for Timmy
• 1 x quick-fix healing stuff for Sinclair's hamstring
• 8 x Alex Fasolo (just because)
• 2 x hair appointments for Faz and Jamie (might stop them checking their hair and get them kicking more goals)
• 1 x box of matches to burn down ASADA and all their dumb records
• 1 x gatorade drink for Ahmed Saad (soz)
• 1 x catfish placed in Nick Riewoldt's bed
• 1 x lesson on how to make space on the ground
• 1 x lesson on how to take a kick-in and look for other options than brodie grundy 
• 1 x brain for Jesse White (HE JUST DOES DUMB THINGS AND HE COULD BE SO MUCH BETTER. I EXPECT BETTER THINGS OF YOU, JESS)
• 1 x Scharenberg (when is he coming backkkk *sulk*)
• 1 x pen for Patty Dangerfield to sign the contract we give him
• 1 x Nathan Freeman 
• 1 x slab of beer for Swanny (NO, BAD SWANNY, GO KICK THE BALL INTO THE POST ANOTHER TIME)
• 1 x rising star medal for Timmy.
• 1 x reserved seat on ANZAC day for me (come on, fazzy, love me. get me ticket.)
• 1 x Ben Reid.

idk

I will go mail this list to my good buddy Nathan right now. If we follow the lists, there's no way we can lose. I think. 

Anyway, we tried. That's all that matters. "When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get" - old proverb (probably Homer Simpson idk)

LIST #8284924

Okay, so Collingwood lost to Carlton (boooo) and also got thrashed by the Doggies (oops) and yeah yeah it was just nab challenge crap or whatever but we have to beat dayne beams WE HAVE TO, WE CAN'T LET HIM WIN, IT'S JUST NOT OKAY.

so i'm bringing back the lists
b/c nathan buckley probably needs help

• 1 x exact replica of dayne beams WE NEED ONE SO BADLY
• 6 x Alex Fasolo's, b/c you can never go wrong with a few more sexy babes
• 29 x Steele Sidebottom
• 1 x book titled "how to kick straight for dummies" for Taylor Adams
• 20 x pairs of glasses for any player who can't tell the difference between a mostly blue jumper and a black-and-white one (BASICALLY ALL THE PLAYERS)
• 1 x birthday cake for timmy darling 
• 1 x cake for Alex Fasolo b/c he would want one idk 
•  20 x book titled "how to make space and a lead and just genuinely help out your poor teammate with the ball" for basically everyone, I guess
• 1 x lesson on how to kick to Travis Cloke's hands
• 1 x lesson on how to pick up the ball AND HOLD ONTO IT FOR GOD'S SAKE
• 1 x magnet for the match-day ball so it gravitates to collingwood players
• 1 x "accidental fire" at whatever TAB that Jack Crisp put a bet on at, so that all records are lost
• 1 x Lachlan Keeffe + beard
• 1 x padded-up Ben Reid (honestly, how does he even get by in life, like does he ever stub his toe on the couch and just shatter into two million pieces????)
• 1 x Jonathon Marsh b/c it'd really suit us to have a "coach" on the field to yell at the other players BECAUSE THEY NEED YELLING AT. 
• 1 x Matt Scharenberg I WANT HIM TO PLAY NOW. I MISS HIM.
• 1 x Jordan De Goey (gooey)
• 1 x Timmyyyyy
• 1 x BenKen
• 1 x Patty K
• 1 x treasure map for Alex Fasolo to lead him to the treasure (me)
• 1 x catfish under the backseat of Dayne Beams' car (ewwww)
• 1 x Seedsy with his cool hair and funky penguin waddle
• 1 x mark-taking Clinton Young (not the other one)
• 1 x Patrick Dangerfield

okay okay, whatever

I'll just go mail this list to Nathan Buckley and yeah we're all set. Bring on the Lions. You're welcome, Collingwood supporters.

copeland trophy 2014

let's continue with the trend started last year and predict the winners of the awards tonight

okay
for the main copeland trophy award, i'll guess the top 10-
1st: Scott Pendlebury
2nd: Dayne Beams
3rd: Travis Cloke
4th: Steele Sidebottom
5th: Jamie Elliott
6th: Jack Frost
7th: Brent Macaffer
8th: Dane Swan
9th: Heritier Lumumba
10th: Alex Fasolo

Best Finals player: uhhh yagz (does this award still count if the AFL team didn't make finals??? dammit poor yagz)
Best first year player: tom langdon, duhhhh
Best VFL player: again, duhhhh Kyle Martin
Leading goalkicker: Travis Cloke
Best clubman: idk probs Swanny or ummm Alex Fasolo (what's a clubman hahaha)
Desire indicators: brent macaffer

(is desire indicators the one that the players vote for??? so yeah probs Caff b/c he's so nice and a good team player and the players legit cried when he did his ACL again lol)

(really though, the top 5 are so even lol and idk how they do the voting b/c it's not like the brownlow b/c defenders get votes soooo idk)
(actually no, it's like pendles, daylight, then beams/trav/jamie/steele, then yeah the others idk)
(i'd like to see someone else win other than pendles, like some underdog who we didn't expect like jack frost or something idk)
(nothing wrong with pendles though, soz scotty)

SYTYCDAU FINALE

hey follow readers of my blog (*cricket sounds*), did I ever recap the finale of SYTYCDAU???
No???
Well, Michael won, blah blah what a cutie, I wanted Sam to win, blah blah good times

Yeah, I hope they put the show to rest now??? No but it really was a good show several years ago and I don't know what changed b/c I adored Carrie as host and the new judges were alright, but SOMETHING changed and it definitely got worse which is a shame b/c it used to be so good???

So yeah, instead of continuing the show next year in the same format, axe it. If it keeps going, it will only get worse and we should remember SYTYCDau for what it was several years ago and not what it was this year.

Bye.

SYTYCDAU

Hello everyone
Guess what
They eliminated Sam, it was the WORST ugh why so stupid what a dumb show :(

See??? Taylor Adams summed it up perfectly ugh stupid show.

Lol, anyway.

Best Parts:

Sam's dances LEGENDARY

idek the one where two people danced as old people???? that was really amusing

umm Lauren was good, i adore Renelle

so glad Ashleigh went home YESSSS

Michael's solo dance, like i was floored he is amazeballs

Worst Parts:

Sam going home ;____;

uhhh Jay getting in the Top 4??? how dumb

Winner: Michael

Faves: Sam (sadface), Michael, Lauren, Renelle

Top 2: Michael & Lauren

yeah i'm devastated b/c Sam :(

i'mma gonna run over to Mount Gambier and stalk him, bye

SYTYCDAU

lol yep, I pretty much guessed the ones eliminated last night yessss Eden's gone and yeah i'm sad about Blond b/c he was good, but not as good as Sam and Michael :)

Best Parts:
Sam, dancing to Titanic
Sam, having a week to rehearse two dance routines, and watch the Titanic for the first time, mad skillz
Sam, in general
Sam, performing a routine as a mad scientist
Michael's cute face, aww
idek Lauren was pretty fab, she danced with Sam

Worst Parts:
The judges falling over themselves to fangirl over Blond and Ashleigh and everyone else except Sam, lol nope
The judges continuing their rudeness to Sam
me, remembering about Zoey being eliminated booooo :(

Winner: Sam (babe)
My faves: Sam, Michael, Lauren, uhhh idek Renelle's okay, the rest are kinda boring
Eliminated next week: uhh Ashleigh hopefully, and also Jay

Also, usually when the judges hate someone, that person goes home straight away like usually the "audience" votes according to what the judges say, or the show is rigged based on what the judges say
Which is weird, like why is Sam continually in there every week??? HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE IN MOUNT GAMBIER
anyway, go Sammy!!!! :D