Well, we know one thing: the previous list didn't work so that sucks.
DAMN YOU, ESSENDON.
Ugh.
Anyway.
Time for another list (which will be sent to Nathan Buckley by a particularly fast owl, probably named Hedwig):
105 x rule books for all AFL umpires to share (with "contact sport" written in big letters on every page so that they don't give away free kicks for the barest of nudges, I mean seriously)
1 x Alan Didak
1 x Benny J
22 x peptides for each player
1 x Ben Kennedy (LET ALL THE BENS PLAY)
1 x easy-knee-treatment for Toovey (sold at your local 7/11 or supermarket)
10 x meatballs for Alex Fasolo
1 x hug for Alex Fasolo (given to him by yours truly b/c I've always wanted to hug little Faz)
1 x Luke Ball
16 x Steele Sidebottom
4 x green vests for Sinclair, Fasolo and Seedsman (b/c these three might play just a touch better after taking off a green vest, yeah? We know Faz can, at any rate)
1 x punnet of berries for Stephen Milne* (I found them on a wild bush somewhere, idk)
1 x Cam Wood, for Travis Cloke to cuddle at night
1 x Chris Dawes (look, I know, but it doesn't work with one full-forward and one full-forward-slash-ruckman WE LEARNT THAT LAST YEAR, YES OKAY GOSH)
63 x painkillers for Dayne Beams (I just want him back *sniff*)
22 x schoolgirls (that'll keep each St Kilda player occupied on Friday, right?)
1 x SLR camera for Harry O (b/c Weekly Steele Photos are my life okay)
50 x 'How To Kick Goals for Dummies' for each Collingwood player (there may be spares idk)
1 x 1000-word essay on 'How To Kick A Goal' from each player given to Bucks first thing Monday morning
1 x Jye Bolton
1 x Kris Pendlebury (some good defenders would be sweet right now)
*he looks like a berry person, okay. I don't know what a berry person looks like (if there is such a thing), but Milne is it.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
WINNERS
WE WON, WE DID IT, WE BEAT A TOP 4 TEAM, WE BEAT THE TEAM THAT BEAT THE GRAND FINALISTS LAST YEAR
Mad skillz.
And also: MY LIST WORKED.
Maybe I should write another list, and send it by express post so it reaches Bucks' house in 5 days (mail is slow these days, okay, gotta get in early)
Here we go:
Mad skillz.
And also: MY LIST WORKED.
Maybe I should write another list, and send it by express post so it reaches Bucks' house in 5 days (mail is slow these days, okay, gotta get in early)
Here we go:
- 4 x donkeys for Travis Cloke (four for you Travis, you go Travis)
- 1 x painkillers for Nathan J Brown
- 1 x Mitch Brown, just in case Nathan seriously can't get up in time
- 1 x syringe found at the beach for James Hird (trust me, he might have a fetish for injecting himself, he won't be able to resist)
- 1 x box of tissues for Goddard (St Kilda players seem prone to crying, I ain't taking any chances)
- 1 x Alan Didak
- 7 x scoops of ice-cream for Alex Fasolo
- 1 x plane ticket to New Zealand on Thursday for Goddard (IF HE REALLY LOVES THEM, WHY ISN'T HE PLAYING WITH THEM, JESUS CHRIST)
- 1 x petition for Zaharakis to legally change his name to "Ruffo" so there's no confusion
- 1 x anti-wrinkle cream for Dustin Fletcher
- 10 x Travis Cloke
- 10 x Dane Swan
- 1 x petition for "Press Red For Ed" to be an option for people watching Channel 7
- 1 x Benny J
- 1 x Ben Kennedy (BENNNN, THE TWO OF US NEED LOOK NO MORE, WE BOTH FOUND WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FORRR~)
Okay, that's it.
*folds up list*
*sticks it in an envelope with Bucks' address on it*
*licks envelope*
*place into postbox*
And now we wait.
Go Pies!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Well, we lost to Hawthorn.
So, you know what that means.
It's time for another list.
So, Nathan Buckley, your team did well for a bit but I've got some stuff for you to get:
So, you know what that means.
It's time for another list.
So, Nathan Buckley, your team did well for a bit but I've got some stuff for you to get:
- 1 x quick-fix recovery for Nick Maxwell (if not available then 1300-JESUS should do it)
- 10 x Alex Fasolo
- 2 x Ben Reid, just in case one goes down
- 1 x Jye Bolton
- 59 x donkeys for Travis Cloke
- 8 x meatballs for Alex Fasolo (you deserve them, kiddo)
- 1 x boyfriend arm pillow for Daisy to sleep with (if not available, I'd like to offer my services)
- 1 x fix-ribs-quick for Darren Jolly
- 1 x petition for all Hawks players to wear bells so you know if they are coming up behind you
- 1 x spray for Richmond players, delivered by Dave Hughes
- 1 x laxatives for Trent Cotchin's pre-game tea*
- 22 x peptides to inject before the game
- 1 x Josh Thomas (no, not you Comedian Josh, sit down)
- 1 x sailing trip around the Whitsundays in September for Mick Malthouse
- 1 x puppy for Alex Fasolo
- 1 x marriage contract for me and Alex Fasolo to sign
- 1 x weed for Buddy Franklin to snort
- 1 x rules book for all AFL umpires
- 1 x brain for Heath Shaw (I'm sorry, but you can't just grab someone's jumper and shove them to the ground, jaysus)
- 1 x Will Minson to help me with my Maths assignment (did ya know Minson tutored a teammate in maths, the kid was able to play a solid 5 quarters)
And yeah.
We are going to beat those Tigers and send them back down to 9th.
*I just assume he's a tea person, okay. He looks like a tea person.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
WE BEAT CARLTON
Yep.
We did.
Mad skillz.
It was so amazing (and also really scary) and Jamie Elliott was a star and Blairy played well, and the Q-Stick really stepped up to be the main ruck for the whole game (get better soon, Jolly xoxoxo).
Also Sammy Dwyer was fabulous, wow.
Poor Seedsy might get dropped (b/c Daisy, Faz, etc are ready) and every time Sinclair snapped for goal, it wouldn't go anywhere near the goals, mostly just straight up in the air.
THERE'S ROOM FOR DAISY AND FAZ.
AND MAYBE DIDAK.
YAY.
And also Ben Hudson could get a game, I mean we might be able to beat Carlton with only one ruck, but Hawthorn? idk idk, better to be safe than sorry, better to have Hudson available, so that Q-stick can help Travis in the forward line.
I just want Alex Fasolo to play.
Sulk.
It's been too long.
(fun* fact: the last time I went to a game Faz played in, it was against Hawks)
Also I got invited to a wedding, you guise. It's on the 4th August, at the same time that we play Essendon. SO TORN. (not really) (would never choose footy over a wedding) (are you kidding me, you actually thought I'd do that) (gosh)
WHY DO GOOD THINGS CLASH WITH COLLINGWOOD GAMES, COLLINGWOOD IS THE CENTRE OF MY UNIVERSE, COLLINGWOOD IS THE CENTRE OF ALL UNIVERSES.
Meh.
I probably wouldn't have gone to the game anyway (actually, I might have, b/c it won't be that much of a blockbuster and I'd be able to get a seat).
No, but usually I don't go to games b/c I'm not a member and I have no friends, so if it's a blockbuster game, I'd have to sit by myself up really high (like with the birds and clouds and Witts' head), and every Collingwood game is a blockbuster, especially Carlton, Hawks, Geelong, Essendon, etc etc.
But this Essendon game is the non-ANZAC Day match, so it's a half-blockbuster? Like it's towards the end of the season when Essendon are worn out by their peptides and snorting weed so it's usually a bit of a thrashing. Essendon fans have headed back inside their closets by then.
But yeah, every Collingwood game is a blockbuster, b/c we have 70,000+ members and they ALL go to every game (like ALL OF THEM) and there are only 90,000 seats at the MCG, so that's like 70,000 seats reserved for them, plus the Essendon cheersquad (1000?) and then a spattering of Essendon fans here and there (10,000?), so that's like 8,000 seats left, mainly located on the very top level, really really high, mostly behind the goals.
Not good seats.
Especially being by myself.
idk.
Oh and there's the whole MCC section that isn't full (unless we play Melbourne, and even then they go to the snow that weekend) so that's another area I can't sit in.
Man, maths is tough.
Bye.
I'm just trying to show that it's a lot better choosing a wedding over the footy.
The end.
Plus I get to catch the bouquet (hopefully) and then marry Alex Fasolo.
*Not a very fun fact though, we lost badly that day. Faz played alright though.
We did.
Mad skillz.
It was so amazing (and also really scary) and Jamie Elliott was a star and Blairy played well, and the Q-Stick really stepped up to be the main ruck for the whole game (get better soon, Jolly xoxoxo).
Also Sammy Dwyer was fabulous, wow.
Poor Seedsy might get dropped (b/c Daisy, Faz, etc are ready) and every time Sinclair snapped for goal, it wouldn't go anywhere near the goals, mostly just straight up in the air.
THERE'S ROOM FOR DAISY AND FAZ.
AND MAYBE DIDAK.
YAY.
And also Ben Hudson could get a game, I mean we might be able to beat Carlton with only one ruck, but Hawthorn? idk idk, better to be safe than sorry, better to have Hudson available, so that Q-stick can help Travis in the forward line.
I just want Alex Fasolo to play.
Sulk.
It's been too long.
(fun* fact: the last time I went to a game Faz played in, it was against Hawks)
Also I got invited to a wedding, you guise. It's on the 4th August, at the same time that we play Essendon. SO TORN. (not really) (would never choose footy over a wedding) (are you kidding me, you actually thought I'd do that) (gosh)
WHY DO GOOD THINGS CLASH WITH COLLINGWOOD GAMES, COLLINGWOOD IS THE CENTRE OF MY UNIVERSE, COLLINGWOOD IS THE CENTRE OF ALL UNIVERSES.
Meh.
I probably wouldn't have gone to the game anyway (actually, I might have, b/c it won't be that much of a blockbuster and I'd be able to get a seat).
No, but usually I don't go to games b/c I'm not a member and I have no friends, so if it's a blockbuster game, I'd have to sit by myself up really high (like with the birds and clouds and Witts' head), and every Collingwood game is a blockbuster, especially Carlton, Hawks, Geelong, Essendon, etc etc.
But this Essendon game is the non-ANZAC Day match, so it's a half-blockbuster? Like it's towards the end of the season when Essendon are worn out by their peptides and snorting weed so it's usually a bit of a thrashing. Essendon fans have headed back inside their closets by then.
But yeah, every Collingwood game is a blockbuster, b/c we have 70,000+ members and they ALL go to every game (like ALL OF THEM) and there are only 90,000 seats at the MCG, so that's like 70,000 seats reserved for them, plus the Essendon cheersquad (1000?) and then a spattering of Essendon fans here and there (10,000?), so that's like 8,000 seats left, mainly located on the very top level, really really high, mostly behind the goals.
Not good seats.
Especially being by myself.
idk.
Oh and there's the whole MCC section that isn't full (unless we play Melbourne, and even then they go to the snow that weekend) so that's another area I can't sit in.
Man, maths is tough.
Bye.
I'm just trying to show that it's a lot better choosing a wedding over the footy.
The end.
Plus I get to catch the bouquet (hopefully) and then marry Alex Fasolo.
*Not a very fun fact though, we lost badly that day. Faz played alright though.
Friday, March 29, 2013
SYDNEY!
On Tuesday morning, at like 3am, I will be off to Sydney (yay 6am flights wooo~)
Anyway.
We're staying near Bondi, like a 10 - 15 minute walk to those hot lifeguards that will give me mouth to mouth when I drown.
Yeah.
Be jealous.
Also, the footy starts tomorrow!
EASTER.
FOOTY.
CHOCOLATE.
EEEP.
Good times.
Except Alex Fasolo and Daisy won't be playing, bummer.
And Josh Thomas is an emergency again. Sigh.
Meh.
We'll still smash 'em.
Yay.
Oh and the Host came out a few days ago.
So glad I'm going to Sydney, can get away from all this Host hype, lol. (I mean, that it's just hype on twitter and tumblr so without all that, then I won't hear it)
Rad.
Anyway.
We're staying near Bondi, like a 10 - 15 minute walk to those hot lifeguards that will give me mouth to mouth when I drown.
Yeah.
Be jealous.
Also, the footy starts tomorrow!
EASTER.
FOOTY.
CHOCOLATE.
EEEP.
Good times.
Except Alex Fasolo and Daisy won't be playing, bummer.
And Josh Thomas is an emergency again. Sigh.
Meh.
We'll still smash 'em.
Yay.
Oh and the Host came out a few days ago.
So glad I'm going to Sydney, can get away from all this Host hype, lol. (I mean, that it's just hype on twitter and tumblr so without all that, then I won't hear it)
Rad.
Monday, February 18, 2013
FANFIC #8274255
"Hey, girl," Starsky greeted me, slapping me on the back like I was one of his teammates. I'm not, but that never stops him.
"Hey," I replied.
"I brought a friend... she's from the women's t---" Starsky said.
I interrupted. "Oh god, not Ian Healy's niece."
Starsky continued, "---eam, Ellyse Perry!" He looked towards a big fat tree at the other end of the park.
I looked too.
A very pretty girl stepped out from behind it, gave us a wave, and bounded over cheerfully.
"Hey, you must be Laura," the girl said, smiling at me, "Mitch has told me all about you."
I blushed. "Uh, yeah."
"I'm Ellyse," the girl said, holding out her hand to me.
I shook her hand. "Hi Ellyse."
"Cricket, anyone?" Starsky said, grinning at both of us girls.
"Nah," Ellyse said, "I just played a whole game yesterday or something. What about soccer?"
"Me and Starsky against Ellyse," I said.
"Huh," Ellyse said.
"I'm not very good, you'll easily win," I whispered to her.
Starsky produced a soccer ball from his back pocket and we played, using trees as goal posts.
After about an hour, Ellyse had kicked about 10 goals, and me and Starsky were still zero.
I was so tired.
I lay on the ground, just to get my breath back, while Ellyse and Starsky made small talk.
Then, suddenly, Ellyse screamed.
I sat up and looked around. "What?"
"I... oh god... uh," Ellyse stammered. She cowered next to Starsky and he put his arms around her.
A huge spider was in the middle of our 'soccer ground' about six metres tall and five metres tall.
"Oh my," I said, terrified.
I fumbled through my back pockets for something useful. I had a sandwich bag with money and licence, an apple pie, a puppy, a seraph blade...
I grabbed the pie.
I threw the pie and it hit the spider in the face.
The spider folded in on itself and disappeared.
Ellyse breathed a sigh of relief.
I high-fived Starsky, who was still wrapped up in a hug with Ellyse.
"Starsky, do I have to remind you about Alyssa?" I said, warningly, looking how close his mouth was getting to Ellyse's.
Starsky jumped back, and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Um..."
"No wonder Ian Healy hates you," I muttered.
THE END.
"Hey," I replied.
"I brought a friend... she's from the women's t---" Starsky said.
I interrupted. "Oh god, not Ian Healy's niece."
Starsky continued, "---eam, Ellyse Perry!" He looked towards a big fat tree at the other end of the park.
I looked too.
A very pretty girl stepped out from behind it, gave us a wave, and bounded over cheerfully.
"Hey, you must be Laura," the girl said, smiling at me, "Mitch has told me all about you."
I blushed. "Uh, yeah."
"I'm Ellyse," the girl said, holding out her hand to me.
I shook her hand. "Hi Ellyse."
"Cricket, anyone?" Starsky said, grinning at both of us girls.
"Nah," Ellyse said, "I just played a whole game yesterday or something. What about soccer?"
"Me and Starsky against Ellyse," I said.
"Huh," Ellyse said.
"I'm not very good, you'll easily win," I whispered to her.
Starsky produced a soccer ball from his back pocket and we played, using trees as goal posts.
After about an hour, Ellyse had kicked about 10 goals, and me and Starsky were still zero.
I was so tired.
I lay on the ground, just to get my breath back, while Ellyse and Starsky made small talk.
Then, suddenly, Ellyse screamed.
I sat up and looked around. "What?"
"I... oh god... uh," Ellyse stammered. She cowered next to Starsky and he put his arms around her.
A huge spider was in the middle of our 'soccer ground' about six metres tall and five metres tall.
"Oh my," I said, terrified.
I fumbled through my back pockets for something useful. I had a sandwich bag with money and licence, an apple pie, a puppy, a seraph blade...
I grabbed the pie.
I threw the pie and it hit the spider in the face.
The spider folded in on itself and disappeared.
Ellyse breathed a sigh of relief.
I high-fived Starsky, who was still wrapped up in a hug with Ellyse.
"Starsky, do I have to remind you about Alyssa?" I said, warningly, looking how close his mouth was getting to Ellyse's.
Starsky jumped back, and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Um..."
"No wonder Ian Healy hates you," I muttered.
THE END.
Friday, February 15, 2013
FOOTYYYYY
Well, footy's back.
Or just the NAB Cup.
Anyway.
I went to the footy last night.
It was so great.
We got there at about 7:30 or something, just missing the first match (Bombers/Doggies ew) and in time to watch the Pies/Doggies.
Tom Young was playing for the Doggies omg. Didn't see him much but he will always look better in black and white. Oh well, I guess his replacement (Jordan Russell) played pretty good too.
Collingwood played alright against the Dogs, Q-stick kicked a goal and Macaffer did some great things, and Kyle Martin got the ball a few times, as did Young.
And Swanny kicked a marvellous goal from 50 metres, aw yeah
Legend.
And then it was time for Essendon. We were coming off a good win over the Dogs, but Essendon also thrashed the Dogs AND had a 40-minute break so they had fresher legs than us.
So, basically we kicked one 9-pointer in the first half (thanks Benny Sinclair!) and Essendon kicked about two goals.
And then Essendon kicked about two goals in the second half to our several hundred behinds (hello forward line issues, oh how I dislike you intensely).
AND THEN AND THEN KRAKOUER DRIBBLED ONE THROUGH THE PACK AND BAM, GOAL.
ONE GOAL DOWN.
With roughly a minute to go.
And we got the clearance.
And kicked it to Travis Cloke.
AND CLOKEY GOT A FREE KICK B/C UMPIRE IS KIND AND AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU
AND THEN
HE NAILED IT
TWO POINTS IN FRONT.
(at this point, all the Essendon fans were pissed off b/c they thought it was a soft free kick, which it was, but yeah whatever, it's not like they got 2746284 free kicks during the game- oh wait they did)
Then the siren went.
And the ball was about 65 metres out from Essendon's goal.
And the umpire thought, "lol, let's give Essendon a second chance" and called a free kick.
So we held our breaths that this Essendon kid couldn't kick 65 metres.
Thank God.
Winner winner chicken dinner
Top of the ladder, yo
Or just the NAB Cup.
Anyway.
I went to the footy last night.
It was so great.
We got there at about 7:30 or something, just missing the first match (Bombers/Doggies ew) and in time to watch the Pies/Doggies.
Tom Young was playing for the Doggies omg. Didn't see him much but he will always look better in black and white. Oh well, I guess his replacement (Jordan Russell) played pretty good too.
Collingwood played alright against the Dogs, Q-stick kicked a goal and Macaffer did some great things, and Kyle Martin got the ball a few times, as did Young.
And Swanny kicked a marvellous goal from 50 metres, aw yeah
Legend.
And then it was time for Essendon. We were coming off a good win over the Dogs, but Essendon also thrashed the Dogs AND had a 40-minute break so they had fresher legs than us.
So, basically we kicked one 9-pointer in the first half (thanks Benny Sinclair!) and Essendon kicked about two goals.
And then Essendon kicked about two goals in the second half to our several hundred behinds (hello forward line issues, oh how I dislike you intensely).
AND THEN AND THEN KRAKOUER DRIBBLED ONE THROUGH THE PACK AND BAM, GOAL.
ONE GOAL DOWN.
With roughly a minute to go.
And we got the clearance.
And kicked it to Travis Cloke.
AND CLOKEY GOT A FREE KICK B/C UMPIRE IS KIND AND AWESOME AND I LOVE YOU
AND THEN
HE NAILED IT
TWO POINTS IN FRONT.
(at this point, all the Essendon fans were pissed off b/c they thought it was a soft free kick, which it was, but yeah whatever, it's not like they got 2746284 free kicks during the game- oh wait they did)
Then the siren went.
And the ball was about 65 metres out from Essendon's goal.
And the umpire thought, "lol, let's give Essendon a second chance" and called a free kick.
So we held our breaths that this Essendon kid couldn't kick 65 metres.
Thank God.
Winner winner chicken dinner
Top of the ladder, yo
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