CRICKET.

So, I'm reading Shane Watson's book at the moment.
And I came across something interesting.

In the Ashes series of '10-'11 that us Aussies would like to shove out of our heads forever, the English pace bowlers were really good at swinging the ball (especially reverse swing) whereas the Aussie pace bowlers were struggling to do this.
(Disclaimer: I have no idea what 'swing' is, but just go with this, okay?)

Anyway, in Twatto's book, he mentions that there's different type of balls.
There's a Kookaburra, which they use in Australia. It loses its shine after about 10 overs and sucks at swinging.
Then, there's a Duke. Which is what they use in England. And this ball has this awesome shininess that is easy to polish and you can swing the ball all day. (Also, you'd sweat less in England, so the ball would stay dry and hence swing more.)

My point:
Maybe those bastard English pace bowlers were using their special "Duke" ball. Did anyone check? DID THEY? Maybe the umpire doesn't know, and just assumed all balls are the same. Maybe that's why we lost, our bowlers were using the crappy Kookaburra.

Massive freakout.
Those cheaters.
Steve Finn has some answering to do. Especially to me.
And to think... Alastair Cook, the silly mid-on and chief ball-wiperer, didn't even tell me in one of our sexual encounters.
What the heck.

I hate England even more.
And this theory may not even be right, but you know what? I don't really care. I'd do anything to throw a bit of mud at them. ANYTHING.