ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER LIST.

Well, we know one thing: the previous list didn't work so that sucks.

DAMN YOU, ESSENDON.
Ugh.

Anyway.
Time for another list (which will be sent to Nathan Buckley by a particularly fast owl, probably named Hedwig):

105 x rule books for all AFL umpires to share (with "contact sport" written in big letters on every page so that they don't give away free kicks for the barest of nudges, I mean seriously)
1 x Alan Didak
1 x Benny J
22 x peptides for each player
1 x Ben Kennedy (LET ALL THE BENS PLAY)
1 x easy-knee-treatment for Toovey (sold at your local 7/11 or supermarket)
10 x meatballs for Alex Fasolo
1 x hug for Alex Fasolo (given to him by yours truly b/c I've always wanted to hug little Faz)
1 x Luke Ball
16 x Steele Sidebottom
4 x green vests for Sinclair, Fasolo and Seedsman (b/c these three might play just a touch better after taking off a green vest, yeah? We know Faz can, at any rate)
1 x punnet of berries for Stephen Milne* (I found them on a wild bush somewhere, idk)
1 x Cam Wood, for Travis Cloke to cuddle at night
1 x Chris Dawes (look, I know, but it doesn't work with one full-forward and one full-forward-slash-ruckman WE LEARNT THAT LAST YEAR, YES OKAY GOSH)
63 x painkillers for Dayne Beams (I just want him back *sniff*)
22 x schoolgirls (that'll keep each St Kilda player occupied on Friday, right?)
1 x SLR camera for Harry O (b/c Weekly Steele Photos are my life okay)
50 x 'How To Kick Goals for Dummies' for each Collingwood player (there may be spares idk)
1 x 1000-word essay on 'How To Kick A Goal' from each player given to Bucks first thing Monday morning
1 x Jye Bolton
1 x Kris Pendlebury (some good defenders would be sweet right now)


*he looks like a berry person, okay. I don't know what a berry person looks like (if there is such a thing), but Milne is it.

WINNERS

WE WON, WE DID IT, WE BEAT A TOP 4 TEAM, WE BEAT THE TEAM THAT BEAT THE GRAND FINALISTS LAST YEAR
Mad skillz.
And also: MY LIST WORKED.

Maybe I should write another list, and send it by express post so it reaches Bucks' house in 5 days (mail is slow these days, okay, gotta get in early)

Here we go:

• 4 x donkeys for Travis Cloke (four for you Travis, you go Travis)
• 1 x painkillers for Nathan J Brown
• 1 x Mitch Brown, just in case Nathan seriously can't get up in time
• 1 x syringe found at the beach for James Hird (trust me, he might have a fetish for injecting himself, he won't be able to resist)
• 1 x box of tissues for Goddard (St Kilda players seem prone to crying, I ain't taking any chances)
• 1 x Alan Didak 
• 7 x scoops of ice-cream for Alex Fasolo
• 1 x plane ticket to New Zealand on Thursday for Goddard (IF HE REALLY LOVES THEM, WHY ISN'T HE PLAYING WITH THEM, JESUS CHRIST)
• 1 x petition for Zaharakis to legally change his name to "Ruffo" so there's no confusion
• 1 x anti-wrinkle cream for Dustin Fletcher 
• 10 x Travis Cloke
• 10 x Dane Swan
• 1 x petition for "Press Red For Ed" to be an option for people watching Channel 7 
• 1 x Benny J 
• 1 x Ben Kennedy (BENNNN, THE TWO OF US NEED LOOK NO MORE, WE BOTH FOUND WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FORRR~)

Okay, that's it.

*folds up list*

*sticks it in an envelope with Bucks' address on it*

*licks envelope*

*place into postbox*

And now we wait.

Go Pies!

Well, we lost to Hawthorn.
So, you know what that means.
It's time for another list.

So, Nathan Buckley, your team did well for a bit but I've got some stuff for you to get:

• 1 x quick-fix recovery for Nick Maxwell (if not available then 1300-JESUS should do it)
• 10 x Alex Fasolo
• 2 x Ben Reid, just in case one goes down
• 1 x Jye Bolton
• 59 x donkeys for Travis Cloke
• 8 x meatballs for Alex Fasolo (you deserve them, kiddo)
• 1 x boyfriend arm pillow for Daisy to sleep with (if not available, I'd like to offer my services)
• 1 x fix-ribs-quick for Darren Jolly 
• 1 x petition for all Hawks players to wear bells so you know if they are coming up behind you
• 1 x spray for Richmond players, delivered by Dave Hughes 
• 1 x laxatives for Trent Cotchin's pre-game tea*
• 22 x peptides to inject before the game
• 1 x Josh Thomas (no, not you Comedian Josh, sit down)
• 1 x sailing trip around the Whitsundays in September for Mick Malthouse
• 1 x puppy for Alex Fasolo
• 1 x marriage contract for me and Alex Fasolo to sign
• 1 x weed for Buddy Franklin to snort
• 1 x rules book for all AFL umpires
• 1 x brain for Heath Shaw (I'm sorry, but you can't just grab someone's jumper and shove them to the ground, jaysus)
• 1 x Will Minson to help me with my Maths assignment (did ya know Minson tutored a teammate in maths, the kid was able to play a solid 5 quarters)

And yeah.

We are going to beat those Tigers and send them back down to 9th.

*I just assume he's a tea person, okay. He looks like a tea person.

WE BEAT CARLTON

Yep.
We did.
Mad skillz.

It was so amazing (and also really scary) and Jamie Elliott was a star and Blairy played well, and the Q-Stick  really stepped up to be the main ruck for the whole game (get better soon, Jolly xoxoxo).

Also Sammy Dwyer was fabulous, wow.
Poor Seedsy might get dropped (b/c Daisy, Faz, etc are ready) and every time Sinclair snapped for goal, it wouldn't go anywhere near the goals, mostly just straight up in the air.
THERE'S ROOM FOR DAISY AND FAZ.
AND MAYBE DIDAK.
YAY.
And also Ben Hudson could get a game, I mean we might be able to beat Carlton with only one ruck, but Hawthorn? idk idk, better to be safe than sorry, better to have Hudson available, so that Q-stick can help Travis in the forward line.

I just want Alex Fasolo to play.
Sulk.
It's been too long.
(fun* fact: the last time I went to a game Faz played in, it was against Hawks)

Also I got invited to a wedding, you guise. It's on the 4th August, at the same time that we play Essendon. SO TORN. (not really) (would never choose footy over a wedding) (are you kidding me, you actually thought I'd do that) (gosh)
WHY DO GOOD THINGS CLASH WITH COLLINGWOOD GAMES, COLLINGWOOD IS THE CENTRE OF MY UNIVERSE, COLLINGWOOD IS THE CENTRE OF ALL UNIVERSES.
Meh.
I probably wouldn't have gone to the game anyway (actually, I might have, b/c it won't be that much of a blockbuster and I'd be able to get a seat).
No, but usually I don't go to games b/c I'm not a member and I have no friends, so if it's a blockbuster game, I'd have to sit by myself up really high (like with the birds and clouds and Witts' head), and every Collingwood game is a blockbuster, especially Carlton, Hawks, Geelong, Essendon, etc etc.
But this Essendon game is the non-ANZAC Day match, so it's a half-blockbuster? Like it's towards the end of the season when Essendon are worn out by their peptides and snorting weed so it's usually a bit of a thrashing. Essendon fans have headed back inside their closets by then.

But yeah, every Collingwood game is a blockbuster, b/c we have 70,000+ members and they ALL go to every game (like ALL OF THEM) and there are only 90,000 seats at the MCG, so that's like 70,000 seats reserved for them, plus the Essendon cheersquad (1000?) and then a spattering of Essendon fans here and there (10,000?), so that's like 8,000 seats left, mainly located on the very top level, really really high, mostly behind the goals.
Not good seats.
Especially being by myself.
idk.
Oh and there's the whole MCC section that isn't full (unless we play Melbourne, and even then they go to the snow that weekend) so that's another area I can't sit in.
Man, maths is tough.
Bye.

I'm just trying to show that it's a lot better choosing a wedding over the footy.
The end.
Plus I get to catch the bouquet (hopefully) and then marry Alex Fasolo.


*Not a very fun fact though, we lost badly that day. Faz played alright though.