BREAKING DAWN PART 2: REVIEW TIME

It was rad omg.
(There may be spoilers okay, just bare with me)

We only saw Jacob's abs once though (highlight of the movie), but it was a great scene because Jacob got to strip off his top and then his pants and trust me, it was great.

And Renesme was SO. ADORABLE.
omg
She was the cutest.

And Jamie Campbell Bower was there, he was one of the Volturi. And at one point, he tried to argue with the leader guy, and the leader was like, "umm stop" and I'm like, "YEAH, SHUT UP JACE."

One of the good vampires was like really hot, Garrett or something. And omg Benjamin.

Oh and then when the Volturi came (spoiler alert), they were all standing around discussing and then just as the Volturi were like, "lol, but what if this kid grows up and kills us all" and Alice came, and showed the leader her visions and then THE FIGHTING there was lots of fighting, it got scary, CARLISLE DIED and I may have gotten upset over that (because it wasn't in the book) and I'm pretty sure Seth and Leah and other wolves died and that was pretty sad omg and then they ended up killing Jane/Dakota Fanning, and they killed Jace/Caius/whoever (when I was like "NO, NOT JACE!" okay maybe not that loud but still) and omg when they killed the leader guy (Aro, I think, the guy with the weird face), I may have cheered b/c he sucks.

AND THEN all the fighting turned out to be Alice's VISION omg so all those people weren't really dead and once Aro saw the vision, he was like, "lol, let's get out of here, I don't wanna die" and quickly gtfo.

Oh and at the end, I didn't expect they'd go through all the characters/actors that have ever been in the Twilight saga.
But they did omg
I cheered when they mentioned Bree Tanner/Jodelle Ferland, haha. But she's so adorable, and I read that spin-off book and that was the saddest book ever, and I may have cried over Bree and Diego b/c they both died but IT WAS SO SAD.
They even mentioned Jessica/Anna Kendrick and the other school friends - they were the best omg.
"Hey Arizona, how you likin' the rain?"
"Hey you're from Arizona - aren't people from Arizona meant to be really tanned?"
"La Push, baby! It's La Push!"
"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grow up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case, a princess"

Anyway.
Let's do best parts/worst parts.

BEST parts:

• Jacob's abs
• Renesme
• Bella/Edward sex scene (especially when Alice goes before, "Have funnn!" and I was like, "oh they will~")
• Bella getting mad at Jacob was hilarious, especially when he said "Nessie" and Bella was like, "YOU NAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER" and it was hilarious
• Benjamin
• Garrett
• Jace/Jamie Campbell Bower/whoever, idk anymore
• Charlie
• Carlisle and Esme - my adoptive parents, yeah
• Rosalie being all cute with the baby, like she'd be like, "My turn with Renesme!" and take the baby out of Bella's arms, hahaha.
• Emmett had some funny lines too omg
• oh and the hunting scene was done really well, how Bella didn't attack the deer, she attacked this lion thing that was about to attack the deer. SHE'S SO SMART OMG

WORST parts:

• Bella/Edward sex scene not showing much (damn G rated movie!)
• Carlisle dying - I really want him to adopt me okay. Gosh.
• only one scene of Jacob's abs
• the fact that Charlie's relationship with Seth's mum was never delved into, so it just seems weird to me, idk idk, I'm happy for Charlie but idk shut up, like they never said (in the book or movie) whether Charlie and Seth's mum were dating or just friends, and also Seth's dad died at the end of New Moon  or something, so it's a teeny bit early for the mother to start dating again? idk idk whatever

And yeah

Well, the good outweighs the bad (idk, I think so) so I recommend you spend your hard earned cash on some quality entertainment that is Breaking Dawn Part 2.

Go on a Tuesday b/c cheap

I'm such a tightarse omg

Tuesdays are the best

I will miss Twilight omg, it's the end of an era and it's sad b/c no more twilight movies.

They should make the Spin-off of Bree Tanner into a movie SHUT UP, I'D WATCH IT and I'd bring a billion tissue boxes b/c sad and otp feels and just sad

THE END.

FANFIC #2874

Author's note: I am kind of bitter about last night's X Factor finale and also Starsky not being in the team tomorrow, so here's a fanfic about me and my bff Mitchell Johnson to ease my pain.

"Stand up something something, turn off the lights, give up and surrender," I sang, sitting on a swing and twisting around on it.
"Please shut up," my bff Mitchie J said quietly. He sat on the other swing, not moving, staring into the distance.
"What's up, Mitchie?" I asked him, "Your problem is no bigger than mine."
"Your problem?" Mitchie asked, looking at me incredulously, "I can't even bowl straight!"
I laughed. "Oh right," I said, agreeing with him, "Fair enough."
"But seriously," Mitchie said, looking at me with kind eyes, "What is getting you down?"
"The Collective lost," I said, glumly, "So did Jason."
"Did you vote?" Mitchie said, accusingly.
"Yes!" I defended, "I actually did, omg. It was just one vote but STILL."
"Sammi Jade is good," Mitchie mused.
"Her winner's single sucked monkey nuts," I said.
Mitchie raised his eyebrows. "And Jason's...?"
"His was GOOD, it was like Love Story," I argued.
"Okay then," Mitchie said, not believing me.

Just then, we heard a branch breaking behind us.
I turned to look.
It was Jacques Kallis.
"Could you not fall on the ground and break a branch off a tree?" I asked him, angrily.
"D'urgggg?" Kallis said.
I stood up.
I got a raspberry pie from my back pocket.
I chucked it.
It only hit Kallis' big toe which only made him angrier.
I winced.

Mitchie jumped up and, darting past me, bowled a cricket ball at Kallis.
Kallis goes, "D'URGGG?" as he stared at the cricket ball.
Then the ball turned into a pie and slapped Kallis right in the face.

I laughed.
Mitchie laughed.
Kallis ran away.

THE END~

COLDPLAY

I went to the Coldplay concert last night.
It was EPIC.
Omg

We got there early, at like 6pm, and went to our seat (Level 1, Aisle 11 - pretty close to the stage so yeah) and just chatted and ate hot chips.
And the Pierces came on and they were actually really good. I'd never heard of them, and the stadium was only about half-full (or half empty?) but yeah.
They sung a few songs, but I'd actually heard one of the songs (it was called Secret or something, idk?) because it had been played on Big Brother. I don't even watch Big Brother but omg how would I know that?

And then, after a cheese sandwich eaten by yours truly, the Temper Trap came on and HOW GOOD WERE THEY, oh right I'm the one writing this review sorry.
But yeah.
Of course I'd heard of this band, because they are from Melbourne and that is epic. Yeah. Omg.
They played the Drum Song too, which is the best song ever wow. Also Trembling Hands, Sweet Disposition, etc etc heaps of other sweet tunes.

And then: COLDPLAY.
Everyone had a wristband which lit up at the same time. So everytime they were lit, the whole audience looked like a starry sky, but a colourful starry sky with pinks and greens and reds and blues and OMG IT LOOKED MAGICAL.
And Chris Martin was amazing, so so so so good.
there was a runway and he would sometimes go along there and dance around, twirling and stuff. It was so amazing.
And the crowd all sung along at some parts (especially Fix You, Scientist, Paradise) so that was so rad.
Halfway through, we all stood up and clapped along, which was pretty epic.
And the ENCORE.
like they left and must have gone around to the other side, to a stage in the middle of Standing Room B.
So that was pretty cool.

Like, I swear, it was AMAZING.
I was with my friend who's not really the biggest Coldplay/Temper Trap fan (still knew a few songs though), but she loved every minute.
Would totez recommend.
Omg.
I feel like running up to Sydney and Brisbane, and going to those too. (Man, where's that $100 million I won in the lotto, oh wait...)
AMAZING.
BRILLIANT.

POST CONCERT DEPRESSION, COME AT ME.

(lol, this is the first proper concert I've been to, I went to the Wiggles when I was 2, and I'm sure that was MAGICAL and BRILLIANT but I barely remember it)

I will post photos a little later, okay.
My camera wasn't that great though. (I only had my phone, lol)
Anyway.
Good times.

TODAY

I voted.
...For this Rodney dude, because he is going to make Patterson Station a Zone 1 or something, idk whatever. It sounded better than all the other ones which were just promising mundane things.

I don't even catch the train from Patterson station, it's just that when I went to OLSH and we had an excursion to the city, I'd always have the tough decision of either walking the longer distance (about 5 minutes) to Bentleigh and getting a cheaper ticket, or walking the shorter distance (2 minutes) and paying extra for a Zone 1 and 2 ticket.
It was always a LOSE-LOSE situation. Expend more energy or pay more money. I DON'T KNOW.
(Although, there was a cheap sushi shop right next to Bentleigh station so lunch was sorted if I chose that option)

Anyway, I thought I should give my vote to Rodney, I thought of the future OLSH students and how I don't want the poor suckers to face the hardships I went through. It's called kindness. You guise should get some.

In other news, trade week/s is over. Thank God.
The next events:

• October 31 - release of next year's fixture a.k.a. when Mick Malthouse whinges over Carlton's draw even though Carlton will get the easiest draw imaginable (like every other year) and it's only because they suck that they can't make the most of it.
• Some time between now and when pre-season starts - the signing of Benny J, Krakouer, the fourth Beak (Woody) and whoever else.
• November 9 - Glee returns
• November 13 - COLDPLAY (AND TEMPER TRAP) CONCERT EEEEP
• November 22 - getting some young'uns who can shine Nathan Buckley's shoes and fetch him coffee 
• Late November - me jumping in Daisy's suitcase and going to Utah. 
• Mid-December - Caff's Big Shave. OR SOMEONE'S BIG SHAVE, IDK I JUST WANT SOMEONE'S HAIR OKAY I AM A HAIR COLLECTOR, I COLLECT FOOTBALLER'S HAIR FOR A LIVING SHUT UP.
• December 25 - Santa comes to all the good boys and girls and delivers PlayStations and Wiis to the rich kids and tumbleweeds to the poor ones. Also, gives books to me.
• January 1 - HAPPY NEW YEAR
• February 14 - Daisy gives me flowers
• February 15 - Daisy gives Essendon and Doggies a huge thrashing
• March 6 - Daisy gives me cake

etc etc

whatever.

bye

TRADE WEEK/S

We now have Jordan Russell.
I miss Tom Young, though.
Sigh.

But yeah, this Jordan kid is like a defender and he's from Carlton so hopefully he tells us their secrets and we'll smash 'em in Round 2. Mick Malthouse won't know what hit him (mainly because his cataracts are almost blinding him, but also because we're really good and fast and awesome).

Anyhoo, Trade Week/s ends tomorrow at 2 and we did alright*.
We got Clinton Young and Quinten Lynch (both premiership players), plus Jordan Russell who wouldn't know what a premiership was but don't worry, we'll give him one. Also, all these sweet draft picks, a few of them in the 1st round.
Hope we pick up some sweet deals, like little superstars like Swanny and Pendles.

*If by alright, you mean losing two premiership players (one of which is still in the best form of his career, and the other is Dawes).

My future visit to the Westpac Centre: a transcript

"Listen up, fellas, we got a situation on our hands. Hurry up and sign Benny J and Krakouer, okay, and also Cam Wood, I mean if you're keeping the other ruckman, why not Cam? You gave him like one game this year against the hardest ruck duo of this millenium and not even Dawes played well that game. Also, we need Clinton Young, so someone get on that. Now. Oh and someone get to Chris Dawes, butter him up with some candy, some sweet talk, I don't know, use your brain! We need him. He was fine in 2010 when we had Browny and Cloke, so why not Q-stick and Cloke in '13? anyhoo, if you can't get Dawesy back on our side, demand that Watts kid from Melbourne. Don't even bother with Petterd, he's so 2010. I mean, I know the kid nearly beat us single-handedly in Round 2 but come on, he got injured a few weeks later and is probably shite now. As are all the Demons. Get Jack Watts or don't even bother."

the end.
I wrote that, because this month is going too slowly and Trade Week is too slow and I want to know everything and I think that I know everything but I don't, I don't know anything, absolutely nothing because my bff isn't Geoff Walsh or Nathan Buckley or whoever.
I wish my bff was Nathan Buckley. We would sit around drinking strawberry milkshakes and fangirling over Alex Fasolo.

Dear West Coast Eagles,

As you are well aware, our superstar, premiership player and One Direction member Sharrod Wellingham would like to go to your club. As he is of legendary status, we'd like the following things in exchange:

• Luke Shuey.
• Nathan Brown 2.0
• A bag of Skittles
• Matt Rosa
• One blue rose
• Several donkeys with waffle-making abilities
• World peace
• A puppy
• Chocolate mud cake with sprinkles

Thank you for your cooperation. 

Sincerely, 

me

P.S. Could you please neuter those Selwoods of yours, they seem to be breeding like crazy and are a pest to society. No offence.